Out of Nowhere---Buffy/Spike
by Boreanaz
Summary: Set after Flooded, primarily Buffy/Spike. After her confession, Buffy and Spike start to grow closer. It's pretty long and will end up longer I hope. *CHAPTER 14 & 15 ADDED*
1. Bite Me

TITLE: Out of Nowhere   
AUTHOR: Boreanaz   
EMAIL: Boreanaz@aol.com   
DISCLAIMER: All things Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel are owned by Joss Whedon,, the UPN&   
WB television networks and anyone else who holds the copyright to both of the series. No copyright   
infringement is intended.   
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me if you want it.   
RATING: I'll just say R in case I get any more into it.   
CONTENT: Buffy/Spike   
SPOILERS: Up to Flooded   
SUMMARY: After Buffy tells Spike she was in Heaven, something starts to grow from just a few touches. And everyone has their own opinions....especially Angel.   
  
  
Although a part of him knew it was best he forget what she'd told him all Spike could do was stare at Buffy in awe each and every time he saw her.   
  
He thought no one else could endure such pain and live that way every day until she told him her secret. Just him. And just knowing she trusted him made hoping she could love him all that much easier.   
  
"Spike."   
  
He came out of his daze to find her staring at him. The others were in the upstairs book stacks, which meant the two of them were alone. "Slayer."   
  
She smiled. "Don't go all formal on me now, vampire. And....could you stop staring at me that way? The others are getting sort of suspicious," she whispered.   
  
If he still had the ability Spike knew he'd be blushing. "Oh...oh sure yeah. I just..."   
  
"I know."   
  
His fingers reached out and caught hers from under the table. She trembled at the contact but didn't recoil.   
  
"Buffy do you...want to talk about...?"   
  
Her eyes were completely unguarded when she squeezed his hand in response. Spike smiled. Neither let go until Willow came down after the others, and even then their fingers only casually slid apart until there was no more room to hold on.   
  
Willow must've seen something in Spike's gaze because she asked, "Um...Spike? Can I....talk....to you for a second?"   
  
He glared at her and then at Buffy who deliberately looked away. Spike stared at Buffy and even Willow could see he was hurt. "Yeah...sure."   
  
The witch led him to the back storage room and then declared in an angry whisper, "Stop."   
  
"Stop what?"   
  
"Whatever it is you're doing or trying to do. Buffy's vulnerable now with Angel or Riley not here to comfort her...and I don't want your pulling her into something she'll regret later."   
  
Every fiber that was in him wanted to reach out and strangle her and let her tiny body fall to the floor in a deserted heap. He wanted to do the same to every one of them who sat around this table each day and didn't notice even one thing wrong with bringing someone back from the dead, the stupid children who didn't think of anyone but themselves when they tore Buffy away from deserving peace.   
  
But he couldn't do that so instead he growled. Loudly. "You don't know what you're talking about witch. I suggest you shut that mouth of yours before...."   
  
"Look Buffy is my friend and I..."   
  
"Your friend? Yeah, right."   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"   
  
Spike realized he'd let out too much and relented, sighing. "All right....all right. I'll leave the slayer be. Just get the hell away from me."   
  
"Thank you. I'm sorry that I didn't..."   
  
Spike pushed her out of his way, not even looking back as he left. Willow turned and looked at Buffy, who was staring at the door with a blank look on her face.   
  
When she came back to the table everyone but Buffy was in research mode. They were researching just to research really; there hadn't been any new beasties in town since Buffy's return. And no one was happier about this than the slayer.   
  
But she didn't look too happy now. She turned to Willow. "Why'd Spike leave?"   
  
"I asked him to do something for me." Willow lied, her nose in "Demon Dimensions: A Timeline."   
  
"Oh."   
  
Willow looked up from her book excitedly. "Ooo....look at this guys it says that..."   
  
"Hey I think I'm gonna go patrol."   
  
All eyes turned and looked in Buffy's direction. Xander looked concerned. "Are you sure? We can..."   
  
"No, no...it's okay. Can you guys bring Dawn home?"   
  
Willow and Tara exchanged looks. "Yeah...sure."   
  
Buffy leaned down to kiss her sister's forehead, smiling down at her sleeping form. Then she smiled at them all, and headed out the door without another word.   
  
Anya sighed. "Why is she so...?"   
  
"Blah?" Xander finished.   
  
She smiled at him and leaned over for a kiss. "Exactly."   
  
"Buffy's not...blah, she's just getting used to this all again. It's hard. I'll bet it's hard!"   
  
Tara ran her fingers along Willow's back, calming her down some. "Of course she's fine. Just frazzled."   
  
They all exchanged looks again and then went back to reading. Xander got up from the table. "I'm gonna go home then."   
  
Anya got up too. "I'm also..." she started to say but thought better of it.   
  
With both of them gone Willow fell back into Tara's arms, sighing. "I feel like I'm the bad guy. When did I become the bad guy?"   
  
"You're not the bad guy, honey. Why do you...?"   
  
"Because Buffy never wants to be around me, and Xander looks at me like I'm gonna zap him at any chance I get."   
  
Tara smiled, her arm itself around Willow's as she talked. "Well...I don't think you're a bad guy."   
  
Willow smiled up at her, turning her head so it rested against her girlfriend's midriff. "I know...that. That's because you understand me. And you trust me. I'm not so trustworthy in their eyes anymore."   
  
Tara closed her eyes, blindly linking her fingers with Willow's. "I'm sorry."   
  
"So am I."   
  
"I love you."   
  
"I know. I love you too Tara." Willow whispered, kissing Tara's hand and trembling just a little.   
  
***************   
  
Buffy stood silently outside of Spike's crypt, contemplating.   
  
Was this normal? Was it normal to want to, to need to, talk to Spike?   
  
She realized she didn't really care, and opened the gate. Everything was quiet inside. She sighed, wandering around inside.   
  
"I had a feeling, you know?"   
  
She turned around violently, going instantly into her fighting stance. Then she saw Spike was leaning against the wall behind her.   
  
"God, you scared me," she whispered, relaxing.   
  
"Aren't slayers supposed to...sense...vampires?"   
  
She walked over to where he stood, leaning against the same wall. "You'd think so, but this slayer's had a hard time sensing anything lately."   
  
His face fell and he took he hand slowly.   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
"I'm fine."   
  
Spike held tighter, pulling their linked hands up to meet the moonlight. "Well if you were fine I don't think you'd be letting me do this....do you?"   
  
She yanked her hand away violently and started to pace in front of him. "I...it's...I'm starting to have...dreams..."   
  
"Dreams from where?"   
  
"Uh...under...in the..."   
  
"You remember being dead, then?"   
  
Her head went up and eyes met his. "I...am dead. You of all people should know that."   
  
He looked at her a moment, as if evaluating. "Well....I wasn't sure anyone else realized it yet. How you hold yourself and all that....Buffy..." he started to say, walking towards her.   
  
She backed away but he kept on talking. "Buffy you're back on earth now...alive. More alive than I am...still." he smiled, hoping to make her do the same.   
  
She just stared. "I feel dead. I don't....I can't...try and be anything else."   
  
Though he knew he was being a parasite, jerk, and lowest of all bastards, and it seemed like such a stupid thing to do at this point, Spike pulled her chin up and kissed her with everything he had.   
  
She kissed him back tentatively at first, putting one arm to the back of his head, then both seemed permanently attached. Then, she started leading him to the wall and Spike had to pull away before he couldn't anymore.   
  
"Hell....hell Buffy...you...you don't seem dead to me at all..." he said, not able to look her in the eyes.   
  
She was silent, so silent that he had to look up. And when he did, she was smiling back at him.   
  
The smile suddenly broke out into a seductive grin and then a shy blush. "Wow...that was..." she mumbled, not looking at him either.   
  
"Slayer..."   
  
She looked up, confused. "No more Buffy?"   
  
"You like it when I call you Buffy now?"   
  
"Yeah, I do. And I..." she stopped.   
  
Spike ran fingers through his hair. "Buffy what was that? I didn't think you'd..."   
  
"Wasn't that the point? Not thinking?"   
  
He laughed nervously. "Yes...I mean no. No! Damnitt Buffy I..."   
  
Buffy walked closer to him again, and this time he backed away. She smiled. "I'm not gonna bite you Spike."   
  
"You sure about that?"   
  
"You're scared of me now? Things really have changed."   
  
Spike sighed. "I'm not afraid of you."   
  
She moved closer to him again, and Spike moved closer to her. Buffy touched the side of his face with her fingertips and smiled when he leaned into it. "I guess not."   
  
"Buffy..." he whispered.   
  
"Spike..." she said, now almost laughing.   
  
"Don't...I...if this isn't what I'm thinking it is, I don't know if I..."   
  
"Shut up Spike. Please?"   
  
He moved, his mouth now kissing her fingers. She sighed at the tears that were wetting her hand. When he stopped Buffy held her breath. "I love you." he whispered.   
  
"I know Spike. That's why I trust you so much."   
  
His eyes showed promise and pain when he added for her, "But not enough."   
  
She took his hand, enjoying the cold on warm feeling they made. It reminded her of heaven, in only that way, because Spike was not Angel. "You make me feel. I know it's only been a week since I...got back... but I wake up everyday wishing I was dead."   
  
"You need me to feel alive? A dead man?"   
  
Buffy stroked his cheek. "You're not dead, Spike. Not by a long shot." she whispered, this time kissing him before he could kiss her.   
  
*****************   
As dawn approached in the sky, Willow woke up with a start. Sweat littered her forehead, and she could barely breathe. She looked down at Tara, who was still as sound asleep. Then she closed her eyes and sighed inwardly.   
  
It was getting harder to sleep at night. The dreams came more and more often, and they were usually about Buffy each and every time. Buffy was underneath her crying, begging her not to plunge the dagger in. 'I don't want to die Willow....Willow please, what's wrong with you? I love you.'   
  
Willow shook her head, then looked down at her hands. She saw the blood glistening off of them a moment, then it disappeared.   
  
But she was fine. Just fine.   
  
She got dressed, heading downstairs to the kitchen when Buffy's open bedroom door caught her eye. Willow peered inside only to find the room empty, though the bed looked slept in. Shrugging she went downstairs to the kitchen.   
  
"Buffy? Buffy are you down here?" she half whispered, wandering around the lower half of the house.   
  
She found Buffy lying on the couch in the same clothes she'd been wearing last night. The slayer was awake watching TV.   
  
"Buffy you scared me..."   
  
Buffy turned toward her voice. "Sorry I....well I just didn't want to wake anyone last night so I crashed down here. I got home late. Is Dawn still asleep?"   
  
Willow nodded. "Yeah...patrolling tough last night?"   
  
"Killed almost eight last night, new ones rising all over the place I think it must have been a holiday or something." she joked, her eyes now staring at the TV again.   
  
Willow was momentarily startled. Buffy seemed so much better. She'd made a joke!   
  
"Yeah maybe...you...uh...want to go out for breakfast with me? We can be back in time for you to drive Dawn."   
  
Buffy yawned. "You know what? I think I just might go to sleep. I got maybe an hour of sleep last night."   
  
"Bad dreams?"   
  
"Some, no more than usual. Except for those killer clowns." she joked again.   
  
Willow smiled, her heart feeling so wonderful. Buffy was acting so normal it seemed like a miracle.   
  
"Oh them? Still?"   
  
They both laughed, Willow more, though she didn't notice it.   
  
*********************   
  
  
With Willow gone off to get doughnuts and off her back, Buffy climbed into bed with Dawn.   
  
Dawn stirred, opening her eyes a little. "Hi."   
  
Buffy ran fingers through her sister's hair. "Hey...you mind?"   
  
"No what's the occasion?"   
  
"Tired...plus Willow will leave me be for a while."   
  
Dawn nodded, understanding. "Well she's got a reason to worry, we all missed you while you were away."   
  
Buffy kissed her sister's forehead. "I missed you too Dawnie."   
  
Dawn smiled. "You were late last night."   
  
Buffy's eyes opened a bit and she smiled. "And how do you know that?"   
  
"I saw you with Spike out front at like four, I think. I was up getting something to drink."   
  
"Oh...well we ran late. Don't squeal on me though. Willow's kind of mad that Spike's hanging around me so much."   
  
Dawn put her arms around Buffy's midriff, sighing. Her eyes closed and she whispered, "I won't."   
  
Buffy hugged her back, sighing. "I know. I trust you...so does Spike."   
  
Dawn's eyes opened immediately, though Buffy was already asleep. She pulled her sister's arm closer to her, but not close enough to view the bite mark on the slayer's left shoulder.   
  
***********************   
  
I've marked her.   
  
The thought had gone through his head all night long, sending joyous feelings down each and every length of him. For once, Spike was happy and this time he wanted to stay that way.   
  
I've marked her.   
  
How or why he'd done it remained a mystery to him. That wasn't true. She'd openly offered her neck to him, and he'd accepted the offer like any man in love would. Or at least, any vampire would. Though it had hurt him horribly, rendering him half-unconscious most of the night, he didn't care about the lingering pain. Not one bit.   
  
I've marked her Angelus. Just like you.   
  
Well not just like Angel did, but similarly. Just not in the same spot or for the same amount of time. Her blood had helped the pain some, though not as much as they'd both hoped it would. Buffy had felt guilty for some time afterward, though once he'd gotten back into the swing of things she saw the effect it had on him.   
  
It had taken Angel four years to mark her, to get her to trust him so much that she'd give herself to safe his life....for Spike it had only taken this one year as her unwilling partner and a large amount of build trust. He took a large satisfaction from the fact that he hadn't needed to be half-dead for her to offer her neck.   
  
A large vindictive part of him wanted to call up his sire and gloat, but the other knew it would hurt the one person who'd always understood him even when that understanding had resulted in causing him pain. Plus he didn't want Angel to know Buffy was alive, and back for him to have a second chance with.   
  
Spike knew that was exactly what Angel would do if he found out. He knew the man too well.


	2. Approvals and Angel Jokes

Just as she was getting into a particularly exciting dream, Buffy fell into another nightmare. This was like all the others, waking up in her coffin with no air, pounding on the lid and tearing it apart. Trying to find her way through the horrible blackness to some sort of light....but then....   
  
Someone grabbed her hand and started to pull her up out of the black. When she got to the surface Angel was there, smiling. "You know I'd never let you drown in that darkness."   
  
"Angel, you're..."   
  
He smiled. "Here? Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? I heard you calling for me."   
  
Buffy looked at him, confused. "What....where's...?"   
  
"Who?"   
  
"No one, no one. Just...hold me. Please. I need you so much Angel."   
  
He opened his arms out to her, and she fell into them like a rag-doll, breathing him in. "I know...I know...but I'm here Buffy...when you need me I'll always be..."   
  
"Slayer."   
  
Buffy turned her head, looking over towards the voice. Spike was standing right in front of her grave, crying. She stared, and almost jumped when Angel spoke. "He mourns you."   
  
"I know."   
  
"He doesn't need to. But he does. He loves you."   
  
"I know. I love you too."   
  
Angel laughed. "What Buffy?"   
  
She looked up at him, her eyes widening. "Oh, sorry I was off somewhere."   
  
Angel indicated Spike's prone figure, which started to shake violently. "There?"   
  
"No....Angel are you staying with me this time?"   
  
"Buffy, I love you sweetheart... but....did you honestly think I'd ever touch your skin again after you let him mark you?" he said softly, kissing the top of her head.   
~~~~   
  
She came awake abruptly, wheezing for air. The bedroom was empty and she was glad for once Dawn had foregone a good bye. Sighing, she turned her head towards the window and closed her eyes.   
  
God, that was a horrible dream. Worse than the others had been. Angel being in it....somehow made it worse.   
  
Is this all a mistake? Is there even a reason to need him?   
  
She wanted to be with him now. Things were so much more fun with Spike. It was hard to open up to Willow and Tara.   
  
Buffy wished they'd just leave her and Dawn alone. This was her house.   
  
The phone rang in Dawn's bedroom and she leaned over to answer it. "Hello?"   
  
"Slayer?"   
  
Spike.   
  
"Yeah, it's me. What are you doing awake?"   
  
She heard him laugh. "Nothin' else here to do. I called an hour ago, but Willow told me you were asleep."   
  
"And...?"   
  
"Not to call you unless it had to do with dead people. I told her it did."   
  
Buffy grinned. "So how is that dead person doing?"   
  
"Bored out of his mind actually. Can't seem to make the poor bugger feel any better. Thought you might want to help me put him out of his misery."   
  
"Well...I don't know..."   
  
He whined. "I'd like to see you. To talk this time."   
  
Her smile flattened out into a small grimace. "Yeah...okay. I have to go shopping anyway."   
  
"Shopping?"   
  
"Yes, shopping."   
  
"Couldn't think of a better excuse, eh?"   
  
She laughed. "Yeah. Can you?"   
  
"How about the...you're 20 years old and can do whatever you want excuse?"   
  
She sighed. "Well they're worried about me, that's all."   
  
"They don't have a right to be." She was silent and Spike knew he was getting to her. "All right just....come?"   
  
"Yeah, I will."   
  
"Okay. I'll....I....I...Buffy.... Buffy I love you."   
  
Buffy smiled, twirling a strand of her around her finger. "I know Spike, I know."   
  
"Bye."   
  
"Bye."   
  
She hung up the phone and sighed again. I'm hurting him.   
  
The thought wouldn't go out of her mind that this was all staring to hurt her.   
  
She knew that she was old enough, no one was her keeper that was for sure. Why should wanting to be around Spike, even kissing Spike have to be a secret?   
  
This was her third life.   
  
Her third life.   
  
No one else's.   
  
********************   
Dawn was sitting outside, not eating lunch. She had a sandwich, apple, and a bottle of water in front of her, but there was too much on her mind for food to taste good today.   
  
She looked to her right, noticing how few people actually ate outside. It was so nice out here, so beautiful. She'd started seeing everything in a whole new light now that Buffy was back where she belonged, back home. Part of her felt that she owed that much to God, and to herself.   
  
Despite what everyone else thought, Dawn had an idea of why Buffy was so distant. Especially since Buffy wasn't distant to her or to Spike, just to everyone else. Everyone else who'd helped bring her back home.   
  
"I was in hell...and you got me out. Thank you."   
  
It wasn't true. She knew her sister better than the others did and wherever Buffy had been, it was obvious she still wanted to be there now. No one wanted to go back to hell, which meant she'd been in heaven with Mom...resting, finally at peace for the first time in her life. Maybe even some version of Angel had been there too and...   
  
"Angel." she whispered, eyes narrowing.   
  
Buffy and Angel were soul mates, or that's what everyone had always said, right? But shouldn't the other half of the same soul know when its mate was back on earth again? Shouldn't that be a rule or something?   
  
If Angel was really Buffy's soul mate he should know she was alive.   
  
He shouldn't be told at all.   
  
Buffy would be much safer...and happier if she continued to do....whatever it was she was doing with Spike. He wouldn't hurt her. Dawn trusted him with both hers and her sister's lives, loved him like a brother, and would care if he were gone.   
  
While, despite all of Angel's amazing attributes, she hated him. He put her sister through so much pain, more than anyone else ever had. Even if she didn't really know him, she remembered him. Remembered hearing Buffy crying in her room at night over him, over and over again.   
  
The memories weren't real, but they sure felt real to her. Which meant they probably were real to Buffy.   
  
She sighed, kicking a rock into the pile of leaves in front of her. The bell rang and she looked at her watch. 12:15, which meant she had her free period next, then came English Lit her least favorite class of the whole day.   
  
Dawn reached into her pocket and fished out a piece of paper. Then she looked back at her watch. She had plenty of time.   
  
When she got to the phones and found them empty, it seemed like a sign. And she held onto it, dialing. Hopefully he wouldn't be cranky being woken up so early.   
  
"Hi, it's me."   
  
***************   
Spike was wide-awake when she called, though he feigned sleepiness. "Dawn, what's wrong?"   
  
"Nothing, I just wanted to call you. To say hi and stuff."   
  
"It's in the middle of the day pet, you didn't just call to say hello and chat me up. What's going on?"   
  
"I....I just wanted to see if there's...you brought Buffy home last night."   
  
He paused, considering. "Yeah, I did."   
  
"She trusts you a lot now, with everything. I'm worried about her Spike and she won't..."   
  
"Talk to Buffy about this pet, not me. I'm not one to go give out people's private things. Buffy and I..."   
  
"You kissed her. I saw you last night. The two of you. She was hanging on your neck and you..."   
  
Spike almost dropped the phone. "I dunno what you're talkin' about....you must've been havin' some strange dreams last night, pet."   
  
She laughed. "Fine, fine. She's okay, though?"   
  
"Your big sis is fine, she's just been through a lot. I'm tryin' to..."   
  
"I know and....I'm so glad it's you Spike, and not him."   
  
He was silent, unable to speak. Dawn took that as an out. "Look I gotta go, thanks for answering the phone so early....and...when you see Buffy, tell her I love her."   
  
"I... I will."   
  
"Bye."   
  
"Bye."   
  
Dawn hung up the phone before he did, and Spike listened to the dial tone for a few minutes before hanging up.   
  
He heaved one huge sigh, and then swore softly. "Buffy's gonna be pissed."   
  
***************************   
After putting some clothes into the washing machine, Willow came back from the basement and saw Tara sitting at the counter eating a piece of toast. She smiled. "Morning."   
  
"Morning. Still worried about Buffy?"   
  
Willow sighed, going straight to the fridge for some orange juice. "Of course she's...well she's different...from before. It's hard not to be."   
  
She felt Tara's arms envelop her from behind and she leaned into the embrace. "It's gotta be hard though. Coming back to all of us, trying to feel real again. She's been through a lot."   
  
"I know, I know. It's just....hey where is Buffy anyway?"   
  
Tara kissed Willow's throat enjoying the sigh that emerged from her girlfriend's lips. "Oh, she left while you were downstairs."   
  
Willow's eyes were closed and a small smile lingered on her lips. "Where to?"   
  
"She didn't say."   
  
Instantly Tara felt her lover stiffen. "She didn't say?"   
  
"No. Willow she's fine. She's not gonna go get killed. I mean she is the slayer. She's stronger than all of us put together."   
  
Willow detangled herself from her and went to the cabinet to get a glass. "I know she is."   
  
"Maybe....maybe being extra cautious around her isn't...helping."   
  
Willow turned and faced her. "You think I'm smothering her?"   
  
"I didn't..."   
  
"She was dead Tara. I lost her and now she's back and I....I can't...I can't lose her to...anything again. And I'm sorry if you don't understand..."   
  
"I do understand!" Tara put her arm out to touch Willow's shoulder but the other witch moved away from her.   
  
"I...I'm gonna go...I don't know. I just got to get out of here."   
  
"Willow..."   
  
"I can't..."   
  
"Willow please you can't just...." Tara pleaded, her eyes full of fear.   
  
Willow shook her head and went out the back door.   
  
************************   
"Buffy, Dawn knows."   
  
He sighed taking a long drag on his eighth fag, then looked down at those remaining, feeling like a dehydrated corpse.   
  
"No, that won't work...Buffy, your sister called and....no, no that just sounds..."   
  
Spike was pacing the length of the upper level of his crypt, trying to think of a way to tell Buffy about the conversation he and Dawn had just shared. So far nothing seemed to fit the situation well. Every time the words came out of him they sounded so horrible he couldn't fathom saying them to her without getting a punch in the face, or at least a good kick in the crotch.   
  
The fact that their situation had changed overnight didn't seem to reassure him protection from her anger. He still wasn't sure what their situation had changed into.   
  
He threw the filter on the floor and stepped on it with a loud clang. He was about to start practicing again when she came through the doorway.   
  
"What are you doing?"   
  
He jumped and then tried to smile without looking guilty. "Nothing I was just....um...."   
  
She came up and put her arms around him, smiling. "What did you do that has you so scared?"   
  
"Me? I didn't...nothing."   
  
"Spike..."   
  
He smiled at her then leaned in and kissed her softly. She deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and hanging there when their mouths parted. He tried not to look any more guilty under her gaze, though that seemed impossible to Buffy herself.   
  
"Promise not to get mad."   
  
"No."   
  
He sighed. "Okay then...um....how about...we go downstairs first and..."   
  
She laughed a little, holding him tighter. "Now I know it's horrible. What did you do?"   
  
"Maybe...maybe you should sit down for this."   
  
Her smile faded. "Oh...kay."   
  
He led her to the stone slab he'd once dreamt of kissing her on and they sat. Spike held on to both of her hands and looked into her eyes. She trusted him, he could tell. Then he spoke.   
  
"Dawn called me."   
  
"What? When? She's at school."   
  
He nodded, tightening his hold. "She called me from school."   
  
"Why?"   
  
His eyes went to the floor and Buffy knew what he was going to say before he even said it.   
  
"She saw us kissing last night and... she sort of wanted to tell me she approves."   
  
He waited a moment before looking at her again and then decided to just look. He was shocked to see she was smiling at him. "Is that all? God I thought you'd killed someone."   
  
"You're not upset."   
  
"No, should I be? I mean, Dawn's Dawn. She's my sister and I would have liked to have told her myself but I guess that option's gone."   
  
Spike stared at her oddly. "You're not upset?"   
  
Buffy gently pushed him down onto the stone slab and positioned herself so that she was straddling him.   
  
"Nope. Now...let's get down to more important things."   
  
"But...if Dawn knows then next someone else could know. Like Xander and Anya, and then Willow..."   
  
"I don't care anymore what Willow wants for me Spike. I want this. I want to be here...with you. Don't you get that?"   
  
He nodded, staring at the floor. "I do...but...I guess what I don't get is...why?"   
  
Buffy thought on that some, trying to come up with the plainest answer possible. There didn't seem to be one that didn't involve feeling or emotion in some way. She climbed off of him and looked ready to bolt.   
  
Spike grabbed her arm and waited.   
  
"I...what if I say I can't answer that fully right now? Would...would you never want to..."   
  
He turned her towards him and shook his head. "I won't make you do something you don't want to do, slayer. I never will."   
  
She sighed and put her arms around him again. "I just....want to be with you. Isn't that something...for now?"   
  
He held her tightly, trying to be as gentle as possible. Though she was a slayer, that didn't mean she was entirely stronger than him right now. "That's not something, love. That's everything."   
  
Buffy looked up at him with a small smile, her eyes about ready to tear but forcing themselves not to. She kissed him slowly, and then started to move him towards the stairway that led downstairs to the bedroom. He stopped her and put a hand on her cheek. She kissed his fingers and then grinned. "Let's go downstairs, k?"   
  
"Y'sure?"   
  
She almost knocked him down the stairs when she jumped, wrapping her legs around him. Spike held her in place, grinning. "I'm sure."   
  
They both grinned and then made their way towards the steps with their mouths in constant battle all the way down.   
  
When they got to the bed Buffy fell back onto it, and Spike peeled her legs away for a moment. He stared at her. "This is too soon."   
  
"No..."   
He sighed, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. Buffy put her arms around him in a hug. "It's not too soon. It's been way too long if you ask me."   
  
"Buffy you....you're hurting and you don't even know...."   
  
"What I'm doing? Oh please. Spike you know me better than that. I may have just come back from the dead but I always know what I'm doing."   
  
Buffy could feel him laugh in her bones and relished in the feeling that created. "Yeah I guess you do."   
  
"So...?"   
  
"I still think this is too soon."   
  
She fell back onto the bed, groaning. "Spike..." she whined. Spike had to hold back a laugh.   
  
"Buffy..." he mimicked.   
  
She rolled over onto her stomach and glared at him. "You're no fun, you know that?"   
  
"Ahh, so that's it."   
  
Her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "What?"   
  
"That's how I remind you of Angel."   
  
Buffy launched herself onto his back and started to tickle him in any place she could think of. Spike put his arms up in protest and she stopped. "You practically handed that one to me Slayer, there was no way I couldn't use it."   
  
She glared still and then broke out into a grin. "Okay, I guess I did. But no more Angel jokes. Coming from you they make me laugh too much and then I feel bad."   
  
Spike laughed at that and Buffy kissed him to make him stop.   
  
"Now..."   
  
"Now."   
  
"I think that tonight you and I should..."   
  
"Should...?"   
  
Buffy kissed him again, running her fingers through his hair. He rolled her over onto her back and started tugging at her shirt. She pulled it off in turn and then started tugging at his.   
  
"I thought it was too soon," she teased, licking her lips as he threw his black t-shirt over his head.   
  
"It is....doesn't mean we can't still have fun."   
  
She grinned and threw him onto his back. "I'm so lucky you're such a fun guy."   
  
"Yes baby, you are."   
  
He then flipped her onto her back and leaned in close enough she could feel his mouth on her chin. Spike's hands traveled from her stomach to her cheekbones and his fingers stopped to linger.   
  
"I missed you Buffy."   
  
Her smile faded and she just watched him with eyes that were changing day by day.   
  
"I know, baby. I'm so glad you didn't forget me."   
  
"There's no way that could be possible."   
  
She slowly kissed him, starting on his lower lip and suckling there for a moment. She smiled when he moaned and he smiled when she whimpered just a little.   
  
"I..." she started to whisper, but Spike cut her off with another gentle attack of her mouth with his tongue.   
  
Pushing back what she'd almost confessed, Buffy put all of her feelings into kissing. There was no way she'd think about what could've almost happened...   
  
"Buffy..."   
  
"I need you. Now."   
  
Spike smiled at her, his eyes looking almost entirely different than they'd looked a second ago.   
  
"Tonight then," he mumbled against her mouth.   
  
Buffy exhaled into him, and he'd never felt more alive.   
********************


	3. No More Secrets....Okay Maybe A Few

Xander might have been oblivious to almost everything, but not Anya.   
  
It may seem like Buffy was okay and that she'd be in an awfully comfortable hell, but the ex-demon knew better.   
  
Hell wasn't a place you'd get over in a few days. It was a never-ending torture, a kind of relentless intruding pain that never want away. You'd dream about it at night and hope to god you'd never got there again. And you'd be half crazy when you came out of it, which did fit with how Buffy had been when she woke up.   
  
It didn't fit at all with how she was now. She might be a little distant, even standoffish with them, but she seemed to be the same as before. Maybe she was broodier now, but otherwise she seemed fine. Although, she did seem to resent them a bit, which got Anya thinking.   
  
She thought of bringing it up to Xander, and then thought better of it. He'd probably say everything was fine, that so what if Buffy was a little blah. It was her right to be blah after hell. And she knew it would kill him to know that one of his best friends had been ripped out of heaven.   
  
Oh yeah, she figured that out when Buffy wasn't thanking them right away. Still, it was hard for her to take in.   
  
"`An?"   
  
She turned and smiled at Xander, who'd just woken up, enjoying his first day off in two months. "Hey there mister, you lookin' for some action?"   
  
"Maybe." He grinned, putting his arm around her back and kissing her.   
  
She needed to know that good still existed in this world, that love could prevail and all that stupid human shit. Because knowing that Buffy was back in this hell they called home, she wondered how long the slayer would be able to stand surviving her alone without someone to comfort her, someone who loved her. Someone like...   
  
Anya pulled her mouth away from her fiancé's and then smiled down at him. "Xander?"   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"Do you think Spike's in love with Buffy?"   
  
He sat up quickly. "Why is it that you're bringing up another man when we're about to make love?"   
  
"I just want to know what you think."   
  
He sighed. "Anya... why are you asking me about Spike when we're almost naked?"   
  
"Why can't I talk about Spike when I'm almost naked with you? Is he forbidden to talk about? I mean he is a nice vampire and I think that if he's in love with Buffy then..."   
  
"Spike can't be in love with Buffy for real. He just told her that because he's in lust with her so much that it feels that way. He doesn't have a soul like Angel does, he's all demon. A killer."   
  
Her eyes were full of anger now. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"   
  
"'An..."   
  
"Don't 'An me! You're the biggest demon basher I know! I used to be a demon Xander...and look at me now. I'm in love. Why is it wrong if Spike is?"   
  
"I don't know. He's just...he's Spike, okay? I can't think of him as a person."   
  
"Well that's just perfect. Fine. I'm leaving."   
  
She got out of bed and walked to the closet looking for some clothes. "Don't please."   
  
"I can't stand being near you now....plus, I have to work. Just....just..."   
  
"`An..."   
  
Anya put on a quick shirt and skirt and looked around for her purse. Xander crawled around on the bed, whining. "Xander stop it."   
  
"You can't leave mad....you know what happens when you leave mad."   
  
"What? You turn on country music and cry?"   
  
He glared at her. "Don't even....Look, I'm sorry I said that shit about demons. I was only talking about Spike, it had nothing to do with you."   
  
"Well until you recognize the fact that I'm still a little bit demony then...well then maybe I'll be able to forgive you this thousandth time."   
  
And with that, she walked out of the apartment.   
  
********************************************************************************   
  
"Willow, I'm sure she's fine. I mean, she's Buffy."   
  
"Well thanks Anya, that just makes me feel all the more better. I mean, it's not like she's been dead for almost six months."   
  
Anya glared at Willow, who was leaning against the wall underneath the stairs where she'd talked with Spike late last night.   
  
Everyone was there except Dawn, Spike, and Buffy and the atmosphere didn't help any of their tempers much. Willow was almost blatantly ignoring Tara, and Anya had her back turned to Xander even though he was sitting right beside her. The only people who had spoken in the last hour had been the two who were about to stop all together.   
  
"Gee Willow, thanks for your magic powers of observation for that one. God, you're so annoying."   
  
Willow's eyes darkened as she spoke. "I can't believe that you're able to walk with that overblown head of yours."   
  
"Oh, are you calling me an airhead?"   
  
"Yes, but I was trying not to say it that crudely."   
  
Anya turned to Xander. "Xander, are you gonna let her talk to me that way?!"   
  
He blinked. "Since when am I allowed to speak?"   
  
"Since now."   
  
He looked at Willow. "Will, I think you need to tone yourself down. Buffy's fine. She just needs some time and..."   
  
"Time? There isn't any time for her to do anything for herself right now she...."   
  
Tara touched Willow's shoulder and almost instantly the redhead's eyes lightened. She looked at her and sighed. Tara looked around at all of them. "I think that Buffy needs what she needs. We all need to respect her privacy and respect what how she's handling herself after all she's gone through. And I also think that all of us need to calm down," she looked into Willow's eyes, "...and maybe forgive each other."   
  
Willow hugged her instantly, sighing in the warm embrace. Tara felt her tenseness ease and was glad Willow was acting like herself again. At least for now.   
  
Anya stared at Xander, waiting. He sighed. "Fine. I'm sorry, okay? I don't hate any part of you because you're a demon and I don't just hate demons right off the bat. I mean, Spike's an okay guy....if you get past the rudeness and the....cockiness...really, Spike's neat-o."   
  
Anya smiled and kissed him roughly. "Thank you honey. Now, let's tell Willow and Tara about the..."   
  
Willow's ears heard her own name. "Tell me what?"   
  
Xander smiled. "Anya and I are....well we're getting married."   
  
She grinned, running towards her best friend and hugging him with childish glee. "Oh that's so great! Oh, I'm so happy for you Xander!"   
  
Xander smiled and Willow pulled away to look at Anya. "For you too Anya...I'm sorry about..."   
  
"It's fine. Really. We're all stressed."   
  
Willow hugged her at the same time Tara was just smiling in the corner away from the group. Xander noticed her. "Tara....come on, you have to give your favorite lesbian advocate a hug!"   
  
She giggled, and walked over to where Harris's waiting arms were. They hugged like old friends and she remembered that's what they were becoming.   
  
Everyone sat down again, grinning. "So...when's the wedding gonna be?"   
  
"Soon...we're still not sure with Buffy back and all that..." Anya started.   
  
"But Buffy's gonna be so happy for you guys. She won't feel weird." Willow assured her.   
  
"Well we want to have it really really soon then. Like March, maybe?"   
  
Tara and Willow's hands interlocked under the table and the two of them looked at each other. Willow kissed her girl softly, and had to stop herself from continuing with overblown need. She leaned in to Tara's ear. "It's been too long honey..."   
  
"I know...I've missed you too."   
  
They kissed again, and Xander and Anya just tried not to stare. Their public displays were becoming more and more frequent, but this one was closing in on indecent. They looked ready to pounce on each other. Xander cleared his throat and both women turned in his direction.   
  
"Could you guys maybe save the four-play for later? Anya doesn't like me watching those kinds of things until after six o'clock."   
  
They both blushed, embarrassed.   
  
Anya hit him in the arm but continued to grin herself. "So guys when are the two of you gonna fly down to Hawaii for your nuptials?"   
  
"We don't need a wedding. We have each other." Tara whispered, looking at Willow with a soft smile.   
  
Willow kissed her nose. "We'll wait, if you don't mind. But you guys go right on ahead."   
  
Xander and Anya felt petty next to the two lovers across from them.   
  
But we're still getting married. Anya thought to herself.   
  
But we're still getting married. Xander remembered, swallowing the bile that rose in his throat.   
  
He smiled at his fiancé shakily and she didn't seem to notice his queasiness. No one did, really.   
  
********************************************************************************   
  
Buffy and Spike were walking hand in hand towards the Magic Box, and Spike kept letting go of hers and stopping. She sighed. "Come on, we have to."   
  
"Slayer we only kissed yesterday....today was really our first real day together and..."   
  
She smiled. "You're terrified."   
  
"No'm not."   
  
"Yes, you are. And don't think I'm not scared too. I'm not gonna let them attack you or anything. It'll be fine. If Willow tries to kill you, I'll just let her kill me instead," she assured him.   
  
He looked at her softly, running a hand through her hair. "That's not funny."   
  
"I was only trying to lighten you mood. Not give you a suicide note."   
  
Spike leaned her into the alley where the others inside wouldn't see them. Then he leaned her up against the wall, the growing need to be kissing or touching her at all times too hard to ignore. Buffy put her hands behind his head, egging him on as far as she could get him to go.   
  
His hands were roaming up under her shirt when they heard footsteps. Spike growled and pulled himself away. Buffy pulled him right back.   
  
"Oh my god."   
  
They were apart in a second. Both were looking at the pavement and Buffy was the only one brave enough to look up. "Dawn...hi."   
  
Dawn was staring openly at her sister's flushed appearance and the lipstick all over Spike's mouth. Then she started to laugh and had to cover her mouth to keep from being heard.   
  
Buffy looked at Spike and then almost laughed herself. She made the around the mouth gesture to him and he just stared at her. "What?"   
  
"You have my red lipstick all over your mouth."   
  
He put his hand up and wiped across his mouth, only to smear the red even worse. Buffy sighed and dug around in her own purse.   
  
Dawn finally calmed down and watched the two of them with growing interest. "Buffy I think he can do that himself."   
  
"No, actually he can't. He doesn't have a reflection."   
  
That got Dawn laughing again, and gained a grin from the vampire himself. When Buffy was finished she wiped her own lipstick off and Spike kissed the rest away again. Their mouths looked slightly darker than normal, but that only accounted to the hours they'd spent pressed together.   
  
"Dawn, quit it."   
  
"C'mon Nibblet, come give your brother-in-law a hug."   
  
That made her almost choke on her own saliva. "What?"   
  
Buffy poked Spike in the ribs. "He's kidding. Really he is."   
  
Dawn took a deep breath and then hugged Buffy as hard as she could. Tears formed in her eyes and she let them fall. "He looks good on you. I can tell."   
  
"Thanks Dawnie. Let's just hope everyone else can too."   
  
Dawn stared at her. "You're telling them already?"   
  
"Exactly what I said." Spike mumbled.   
  
Buffy glared at him and then looked at Dawn. "We have to. And they'll have to accept this or...I guess they can't accept me."   
  
Dawn got out of her sister's embrace and then hugged Spike. He smiled down at her and she just looked at him. Then she looked at Buffy.   
  
"You both deserve some real happiness. And this is it. But you guys know that already, yeah?" Dawn whispered.   
  
The slayer and vampire looked at each other. "Yeah," they both whispered, smiling.   
  
"Good. Then my work here is done," she announced, letting go of Spike.   
  
Buffy smiled at her. "And why were you so late tonight young lady?"   
  
"Oh c'mon now Buffy, we all have our secrets. You don't need to know all mine. I think that I've barely scratched the surface of yours."   
  
Buffy and Spike looked at each other and then looked away. "Okay...I guess. Just be careful."   
  
"I'm always careful."   
  
Spike pulled her into a half-arm hug. "That's Dawn for you. The careful one. Not like her sister who goes jumping on strange vampires in front of her own home at four a.m."   
  
Buffy grinned. "And in no way was it the vampire's fault?"   
  
"Hell no."   
  
Dawn stood next to Buffy and looked at Spike with a appreciative glance. He felt embarrassed for a second.   
  
Buffy turned to her sister. "Dawn?"   
  
"Well he does do that thing with his eyes."   
  
"Oh he so totally does. When he..."   
  
"...yeah and that smile, god...I don't know how you ever resisted before. When he's right there all the time with that puppy dog look."   
  
"Well the was a jerk before. Now I think it's kinda cute."   
  
They both smiled and Spike just stared open-mouthed at the two. He grabbed Buffy effortlessly into another kiss. "You think I'm cute?" he whispered softly.   
  
"You know you're cute Blondie."   
  
"Well...yeah, I do. Just never heard you admit it before, love."   
  
She kissed him. "Well that's not gonna be the last time."   
  
He kissed her. "Let's hope not."   
  
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Guys, this is getting kind of old. We're not in Spike's bedroom we're in an alley. And the two of you...need to go inside and face the music."   
  
"Do we have to???" Spike whined.   
  
Buffy pulled him along by his arm and up until they walked into the shop, they were still holding hands.   
  
Then Spike pulled away and walked ahead of her.   
  
"Baby," Dawn mumbled.   
  
"Buffy! Buffy there you are." Willow called.   
  
"Yep...here I am."   
  
"I was...just wondering where you ran off to all day."   
  
Buffy tried not to blush and it showed. "I was...just looking around and stuff. You know, getting used to earth again."   
  
"Well that's good. Good."   
  
Dawn, who could've cared less about their conversation, was watching Spike with obvious interest from her spot on the floor. She'd noticed how inch by inch he was moving closer to her sister, and how her sister didn't notice at all. Or tried not to show that she did.   
  
When she realized what he was going to do she tried to get Buffy's attention. But Buffy was too far into her whole happy girl routine to notice her, or even to care that much.   
  
"Wow this is so great you guys...Congratulations Xand..."   
  
They all watched in horror as Spike grabbed Buffy from behind, turned her around and kissed her with everything he possibly could. The kiss was rough, almost too rough by the looks of it.   
  
"What the hell is he doing? Does he want to get...oh my god she's..."   
  
Buffy's hand was traveling underneath Spike's shirt to run her fingers across his lower back. "Why are they still kissing?" Xander asked again, but got no answer from any of the women.   
  
"Willow look..." Tara whispered, indicating the couple's hands. They were holding hands tightly, like two people caught stuck in a dark cave. Willow could only describe the look on Buffy's face as surreal, calm, happy. She looked happy.   
  
"I know."   
  
"No, not that. Buffy's...you don't see?"   
  
Willow looked at Tara. "See what?"   
  
That was when Buffy pulled away from Spike, catching her breath. Then she smiled at him, running fingers across his cheek in appreciation.   
  
Suddenly it dawned on her what he'd just done, and she slapped him hard across the face.


	4. You Really Got A Hold On Me

He stared at her, mouth open. She couldn't think of what to say.   
  
"Okay now that was much better! Buffy kickin' Spike around and..."   
  
She felt that familiar tugging, the part...the whole of her wanting to comfort him. She reached out and he backed away. "Spike..."   
  
"...did you see Blondie's face? I mean, wowee! He looked like he was surprised or..."   
  
"Don't. Just...don't. You wanted me to come here and tell these people about us with you and when I try to make it easier..."   
  
"Make it easier? By freaking everyone out?"   
  
"Including you?" he accused, voice low but not whispering.   
  
Buffy was silent, her eyes widening. He stepped closer to her and this time she didn't move.   
  
"I scared you Buffy. You respond to me much more than you ever responded to anyone else. Isn't that it? You're scared of how quick this is...becoming."   
  
"I...I'm not. I'm nowhere near scared. You..."   
  
He grinned, his fingers snaking out to graze her throat and easing down her shoulder. Everyone watched her lean into his hand, greedily begging for more.   
  
"Tell me what you need, baby."   
  
"Umm...deeper."   
  
Dawn couldn't stop staring. Her mouth stood open and hanging, and her breathing quickened.   
  
"M'not gonna hurt her Nibblet."   
  
She came out of her daze with red cheeks, and couldn't look anyone else in the eye. How..? She looked up to see if he was staring at her.   
  
But no.   
  
Spike was still staring at her sister. His eyes had never even turned her way. She didn't make another sound.   
  
"Buffy..."   
  
Buffy was moving against his hand, trying to offer her neck. "Hmm?"   
  
"I think you're scaring your friends. Ease up, love."   
  
She blinked, and then looked at the others in the room. "I...I forgot."   
  
Spike wrapped his arms around her, whispering words one of the others could hear. She fell against him, sighing.   
  
"What have you done to her?" came the accusation, bringing them both out of their reverie.   
  
Spike's eyes settled on Willow, regarding her as nothing more than a nuisance. "I love her."   
  
"You...you've turned her into a wilting flower that falls at your feet! She was offering her throat for you to bite her! That's not Buffy."   
  
Buffy moved out of his arms, and then looked up at him with a smile. "I'm sorry. I..."   
  
"I know," he kissed her forehead, "I know."   
  
Then he smiled at Willow. "If you don't think this is Buffy, then you don't know her at all."   
  
"I know her better than you do."   
  
"I don't think so, witch," he half-snickered.   
  
Buffy looked at him in a mock glare. Then she turned to Willow and her expression changed from playful to hateful. "We came her to tell you all what's between us now. I didn't come here for anyone's approval. Actually I never expected it."   
  
Willow stood in front of her but tried not to touch. "You don't realize...Buffy he's..."   
  
"I went to him. Not the other way around. I...I want him. What's wrong with that?"   
  
Willow tried to get closer but stopped when Buffy away, closer to Spike. "He's not Angel, Buffy. You can't just replace one vampire with..."   
  
Dawn moved to stand in Willow's way. Her eyes were harder than anyone in the room had ever seen them.   
  
"You can't even see how happy she is. She...you want everything to go the way you want it, to be like it was before. It can never be that way again!"   
  
"Dawn I know you care about Spike and..."   
  
"I love Spike. I love everyone in this room. I'm starting to only 'care' about you. Just barely."   
  
Willow swallowed. "Dawn, I'm only trying to..."   
  
"Help? Protect her from something she wants?"   
  
"She doesn't love him. He doesn't really love her, it's all a..."   
  
Dawn slapped Willow as hard as she could. "Don't you dare say this is all a spell. Not every single thing that differs from the norm is the work of a damn spell Willow. God, is magic what you use now so you don't have to face the truth?"   
  
Willow couldn't talk. She just stared at Buffy's little sister. Her eyes were darkening and it was hard trying to keep herself under control. She wanted to lash out. She wanted to throw the girl across the room. Her eyes settled on Spike.   
  
She wanted to kill him.   
  
Buffy stepped in front of Spike and stared her down. "Don't you even think about it."   
  
"It would only hurt for a second."   
  
"And then I'd have to kill you."   
  
No one in the room made a sound, including the man Buffy stood in front of. He was completely speechless.   
  
"I'd love to see you try."   
  
"Would you? Gee, I'm so glad you brought me back Willow. Is this the reason? You were getting bored and needed someone to harp on?"   
  
Tara was getting scared for the both of them and she stood up to touch Willow's back. She was boiling hot to the touch and she drew her hand away with burns on her fingers. "Willow...calm down."   
  
"She doesn't even care what I went through for her..."   
  
"Willow don't do this."   
  
"I took on so much pain and this is what she does back?"   
  
"Willow..."   
  
Spike kissed the back of Buffy's neck and whispered in her ear, "I love you."   
  
She smiled. "I know."   
  
Xander and Anya were both so scared they just stared at the scene. Instinctively their hands met and held on tightly. Xander whispered into her hair, "Love you."   
  
She sighed. "I know....Xander we have to do something."   
  
"And get fried?"   
  
"Xander..."   
  
He looked up at the scene and thought it looked somewhat like a gunfight in the Wild West. "Willow, I think you should..."   
  
Willow head whipped around. "What? Congratulate them? Say, 'Gee Spike, you've done such a good brainwashing job on Buffy?' is that what I should do?"   
  
"I know you're scared, I know you missed her but..."   
  
"Scared? I'm not scared. Her, she's scared. And him, look at him. Has she told you she loves you yet, Spike?"   
  
Buffy felt Spike's growl deep inside her skin. "Shut your mouth," he mumbled, his hands on Buffy's shoulders.   
  
Willow smiled. "She hasn't has she? You don't even know what she's doing with you, do you?"   
  
He growled some more, and Buffy turned around to look at him. "Spike..."   
  
"Buffy, don't. She's trying to get to me and it's not going to work."   
  
"It already is working, Spike. You're not looking at her the same way you were before....are you mad at her? Do you want to..."   
  
Buffy kicked Willow in the face, sending her banging into the stairs. The slayer walked towards her again and stood over her. "Tell me why I shouldn't hit you again."   
  
"Because. Because I'm someone you actually love and not someone you just want to..."   
  
She kicked her in the stomach and Willow coughed up something that looked a lot like blood. Tara blanched. "Buffy don't."   
  
The slayer looked over her shoulder. "Why?"   
  
"Because I can make her stop."   
  
"What?"   
  
Tara walked over to Willow, who just smiled at her. "Think you're stronger than me, baby? Think you can..."   
  
Then her eyes closed and she fell silently like a rag doll. Buffy looked at Tara's, whose eyes were full of tears and who was mumbling something she couldn't understand under her breath. They looked at each other. "Willow didn't mean it. She's just upset. I'll wake her up in the morning and..."   
  
"Everything will be okay." Buffy finished for her, not believing that for a second.   
  
"Yeah."   
  
Buffy put a hand on Tara's shoulder, then turned and walked towards Spike. He held her to him tightly, and she could feel him shaking against her. "Don't...ever...do...that...again."   
  
"I can take care of..."   
  
He pushed her chin up and she saw his face was paler than normal. "You scared the life out of me, Slayer. I thought she..."   
  
"Willow wasn't ready to kill me. She's gotta toughen up first. And when she's ready, it would be me who'd do it first."   
  
"How can you talk like that?"   
  
"It's live or let die. I'm not going to die again."   
  
He kissed her forehead. "That's not what I meant, love. I meant don't ever say you'd kill for me."   
  
She looked up at him. "Why?"   
  
"I'm not worth the pain that would follow killing Willow. You'd hurt forever if she died."   
  
"Yeah, I would. It would hurt even more if you died."   
  
"I am dead."   
  
She kissed him deeply, trying to put everything she couldn't say into action instead of words. He seemed to respond but not really get the message so she pulled away. "You're worth something. You are. I think you are, so you are. Okay?"   
  
He sighed, then kissed her again. "I'll think on that."   
  
"You're worse than Angel when you brood, you know."   
  
He winced as if hit. "That was a low blow."   
  
"It's true."   
  
He leaned down to her shoulder, running his tongue across the marks there. She shuddered. "Someday soon we'll renew that."   
  
"No, we won't."   
  
"Yes," he looked at her, and then ran his fangs across it to hear her sigh, "we will."   
  
They pulled away from each other and looked at the rest of the room. Dawn stood to the left of them, just trying to keep herself under control; Xander and Anya were staring openly but trying not to be too obvious, and Tara...   
  
Tara was levitating Willow off the stairs and moving her to the couch in the training room. She shut the door behind them.   
  
Buffy looked at Spike. "Let's go. I don't think either of them will be back in my home tonight."   
  
"Because Tara's too upset or because...?"   
  
"I don't want Willow there when you're going to be there. And Tara feels she has to watch over her."   
  
Spike held onto her hand and looked over at Dawn.   
  
"C'mon bit, we're goin' home."   
  
"I heard. Spike's staying over, let's make popcorn."   
  
He smiled. "Yeah, yeah. C'mon."   
  
The three of them started walking towards the door but stopped when they heard Xander.   
  
"Spike. Buffy."   
  
They both turned around. Xander coughed. "Um...congrats and all. I can tell when Buffy's happy and she's happy with you man."   
  
"Harris." Spike said.   
  
"I'm trying to be nice here, okay?"   
  
"I know."   
  
Buffy smiled at Xander. "Congratulations Anya. You picked a good one."   
  
The ex-demon smiled at her, running a hand down Xander's arm. "Yeah, I know. He's great in bed too."   
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Bye guys."   
  
"We'll leave with you. There's nothing left here."   
  
Tara lay beside her love, playing with Willow's hair. She sang a song with no words, and tried not to break into hysterical sobs.   
  
"Willow."   
  
No answer.   
  
"Willow."   
  
(Baby, why can't I move my legs?)   
  
Tara ran her fingers across Willow's cheek. "I had to stop you."   
  
(Buffy. I tried to hurt her.)   
  
"You wanted her dead."   
  
(I want him dead.)   
  
"Willow what's wrong with you? Talk to me."   
  
(Take this spell off of me first.)   
  
"No. You're going to talk to me, you're going to be calm and rational."   
  
(*sigh* Spike wants to hurt her Tara. I can't let anyone hurt her more than she's already been.)   
  
"But you wanted to kill her tonight...and if you killed Spike, it would hurt her."   
  
(Only for a minute.)   
  
"Willow, be calm. Or...)"   
  
(You'll reprimand me again? Make me into a vegetable?)   
  
" I had to."   
  
(Buffy's strong. She was going to beat me until I passed out)   
  
"I know. That's why I had to shut you up."   
  
Silence.   
  
"Willow...calm down and try to act normal. Then I'll let you up."   
  
(*sigh* Okay. I went off the deep end, Tare. It was hard not to. With Dawn hitting me and Spike...just being there, touching her...)   
  
"Are you jealous?"   
  
(What?)   
  
Tara sat back, her breath coming in shallow. "You are."   
  
(I am not)   
  
"You're jealous of Spike. You've never been jealous of any of Buffy's other boyfriends because they were only temporary but you know this isn't temporary."   
  
(I am not)   
  
"Willow, you are."   
  
Tara felt Willow trying to move beside her, so she ran her hand across Willow's face and the redhead opened her eyes. "I am not. Why would I be jealous of Spike for being with Buffy when I love you?"   
  
"Because you love her. More than you want to love her, but you do. I only hope..."   
  
"I can't love anyone more than I love you, baby."   
  
"Tell me. Say it."   
  
Willow, who still couldn't move her legs but could speak, whispered, "I want Spike dead because I'm..."   
  
"Say it."   
  
"No. I won't."   
  
Tara went to put her hand over Willow's eyes again but was stopped by Willow's hand. She stared at her with frightened eyes. "You..."   
  
"I'm very very strong Tare. I didn't know how strong you were until tonight, but I'm still stronger."   
  
"Willow, I love you."   
  
"I love you too."   
  
They kissed, and Willow put her hands in Tara's hair. Then she pulled her mouth away from her girlfriend's and smiled at her. "Your turn."   
  
"Wha...?"   
  
Tara slumped on the couch and Willow stood up. She stretched. "I'm sorry babe."   
  
(What are you going to do?)   
  
"I have a call to make."   
  
  
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA   
  
The phone rang at 1:15 am and Angel was the only one awake to answer it.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hi Angel, it's me."   
  
"Willow, what's wrong?"   
  
"I...I feel horrible. That I haven't told you yet."   
  
"Told me what?"   
  
He heard her taking a deep breath. "Buffy's alive. I brought her back. She was in hell and..."   
  
Angel had trouble seeing in front of him. "Buffy's...alive?"   
  
"Yes. Are you okay?"   
  
"I'm...yeah. Does she...want to see me?"   
  
Silence.   
  
"Willow?"   
  
"I'm sure she does. She's just...something's going on here Angel and that's why I called. I need you to come here and try and talk some sense into her."   
  
Angel sat back on his office chair, trying to calm down. This was okay. He could handle this at one in the morning. He really could. "What's wrong?"   
  
Another breath. "Buffy and Spike are...together."   
  
Angel dropped the phone.   
  
"Angel? Angel? Hello?"   
  
He was growling and she could hear him. "Angel, are you there?"   
  
He reached down and picked up the phone. "How?"   
  
"I...I don't know. I have no idea. She's not herself and..."   
  
"I can be there before sunrise. I just need a place to stay."   
  
"You can stay at the mansion, I think. There's nothing left here to bother you."   
  
He was growling again. "Where is Spike staying?"   
  
"He...has a place."   
  
"Where?"   
  
"A crypt in the cemetery."   
  
He calmed himself and took an unneeded breath. "You'll see me tomorrow night. Or you can come see me in the day time."   
  
"Okay. I know you can help, that's why I called you."   
  
"Thank you Willow, for calling. Thank you."   
  
"I know how much you love her."   
  
"More than Spike does, I'm sure."   
  
They both smiled in the darkness, but neither smile was happy. "I'm sure."   
  
"Bye."   
  
"Good bye."   
  
Angel hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair before heading outside towards his car. 


	5. All Yours Baby

"You know, it's getting late."  
  
"Mmm…. yeah."  
  
"And you have to sleep."  
  
"I do? Who says?"  
  
"I do."  
  
"You promised."  
  
"Your sister is right there."  
  
"Yeah…but we can go upstairs."  
  
Spike grinned. "We could, couldn't we? Forgot about that."  
  
Buffy made hearts on his chest with her fingers. "You forgot we had an upstairs."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
She kissed his chin. "You're so cute when you're nervous."  
  
"I am not."  
  
"Oh, no?"  
  
"No."  
  
"If you aren't nervous then why won't you look at me?"  
  
He looked down at her, but his eyes studied her forehead. "I am."  
  
"My eyes, baby. Remember what color they are?"  
  
"Blue. Dark..dark blue."  
  
"Mmm…yeah. Not like your light ones."  
  
"I have dark blue eyes."  
  
"Sometimes, yeah. But not when you look at me."  
  
He smiled, this time looking her in the eyes. "Let's go upstairs."  
  
She feigned innocence. "And leave Dawnie all alone?"  
  
Spike licked his lips. "She's a big girl, she can sleep alone."  
  
"So can I."  
  
"No, you can't."  
  
"Yes, I can."  
  
"You're teasing me."  
  
"Like it?"  
  
She glanced his way, running her eyes up and down his length. Then she licked her lips.  
  
"Bloody hell Buffy, don't look at me like that."  
  
She put one of her hands underneath is shirt and settled it against his chest. "Like what?"  
  
"Like you're hungry….like you actually…"  
  
"Want you?"  
  
"I…ohhh…don't…."  
  
"Why….I want to."  
  
She sounded so innocent, so goddamned curious that he wanted to shake her and remind her what she was getting herself into. But this was just so perfect, she was so…perfect, he couldn't deny her.  
  
"Buffy I…"  
  
"Shh…let's go upstairs."  
  
"Okay…Buffy I…"  
  
She smiled. "Shh…c'mon."  
  
She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the stairs. She was practically dragging him up the stairs and then she stopped. "I'm not going to force you."  
  
He sighed. "Buffy I…"  
  
She pulled off her shirt, and then unsnapped her bra, letting it fall to the floor. Spike stared, his eyes widening. She watched his face change and heard his low growl. "Spike…coming?"  
  
"Hell yes."  
  
She giggled, running up the stairs. He practically flew up to catch her, his hands trapping her from behind and turning her towards him so they were facing each other. "Spike."  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Tell me you love me."  
  
"I…"  
  
He kissed her, cutting her off before she could say she didn't. He led her backwards into her bedroom and kicked the door shut.   
  
They fell back on the bed, grabbing at each other's clothes. He got her nude before she could get off his jeans, and just stared at her.  
  
"Spike…you're making me blush."  
  
"Well…I have a right. You're mine now."  
  
"Yes. I am."  
  
He growled, kissing her roughly and she fought for dominance, flipping him over onto his back.   
  
"Slayer…" he growled, trying to throw her off him.   
  
She straddled him, smiling wanly. Her fingers played across his chest, and he sucked in an unneeded breath. "Spike…how old are you?"  
  
"Why…are you asking me this…now?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"I'll be two hundred in another twenty years or so."  
  
She smiled, leaning down and running her tongue across his left nipple. He growled, grabbing the back of her head and crushing their mouths together. "Don't…go easy on me. Okay?" she whispered, biting his cheek a little.  
  
He grinned. "Okay."  
  
He flipped her over and she laughed. She watched him try to dispose of his jeans and stay on top of her at the same time for a minute or so, and then he stood up and got himself out of them. The jeans lay crumpled in a ball on the floor and she realized she loved the way they looked there.   
  
"Now?"  
  
"Well…I…."  
  
He tackled her, laughing all the while.   
  
"Will we always have this much fun in bed?" she asked, grinning.  
  
The power of that question caused Spike to harden in response. Her eyes widened. "I guess so."  
  
He bit at her throat, not deep enough to hurt him but small nips all around her scar. She moaned, leaning in to his mouth. He licked her ear and she sighed. "Buffy…"  
  
"Please…"  
  
"I…"  
  
"No..waiting…please…"  
  
He kissed her softly, his tongue and hers gently prodding enough to cause moans from both of them.   
  
When she was sure she was about to up and die, he entered her, slowly at first and then faster and faster until both of them collapsed in exhaustion. The sweat from her body made his warmer, and Spike treasured the feeling. There were tears on his face when he looked at her.   
  
She flipped him over, gently kissing the wetness away. Spike started to cry again and she whispered, "I think I could fall in love with you Spike."  
  
That was enough to keep him sane. For now at least.  
  
He wanted to kill him. He wanted him writhing in agony before he put the stakes in.   
  
For the first time in a long time Angel contemplated torture.  
  
What would be the worst torture?  
  
He sat back on the dusty bed in the mansion, thinking.   
  
"Buffy."  
  
Buffy. That was it. He would use her to torture Spike. Tell Spike how she felt underneath him, how much she loved him, how much…  
  
Angel smiled. "She's mine."  
  
She was his. There was no way Spike would get to her like he had. No one else had loved her as much as he did, she hadn't opened herself up to anyone like she'd opened up for him.   
  
He was the one.   
  
She'd see that.  
  
That thought along kept him driving, but something else entirely kept him smiling.  
  
"I'm gonna kill him."  
  
  
  
Dawn woke up on the living room couch, stretching and groaning. She sighed, standing up.   
  
She must've fallen asleep early last night.   
  
That must've been it.  
  
She started to walk up the stairs, and saw her sister's shirt lying on the stairs. A grin crossed over her face. She walked a little higher and saw a black lace bra lying forgotten on the floor.   
  
Well, obviously someone had fun last night.   
  
She sighed, thinking.   
  
Her sister was in love. Any fool could see that.   
  
If only Buffy could, then they'd all be happy. 


	6. Cheap Shot

She walked into the kitchen, ready to make herself something to eat.   
  
About ten minutes after she'd made some toast and eggs, Buffy came downstairs in nothing but Spike's red button down shirt and black panties. She took one of Dawn's pieces of toast, sitting cross-legged on a stool beside her sister.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Dawn watched her with an odd expression, a small smile playing at her lips.  
  
Buffy grinned. "What are you staring at me for?"  
  
"You slept with Spike."  
  
She at least had the grace to blush; though Dawn was not at all prepared for her sister's lecherous response.   
  
"Well we did go to sleep...eventually."  
  
Dawn almost choked on her eggs. "Buffy!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't believe you said that to me."  
  
"Well...sorry, I'm just..."  
  
Dawn smiled again. "Happy?"  
  
A dreamy look came to the slayer's eyes and she whispered, "Yeah..."  
  
"This is SO cool."  
  
Buffy laughed. "What?"  
  
"You and Spike. It's just...just cool."  
  
"Well, I think Spike'll be glad to hear that was your reaction."  
  
"He knows I support him."  
  
Buffy touched her sister's arm, then took her hand and squeezed it.   
  
"Thank you Dawnie."  
  
"I only want you to feel happy again, Buffy. That's all."  
  
"I know that now. And I am."  
  
"Good."  
  
They both grinned. Dawn eyed her sister's clothes with raised eyebrows.   
  
"You are SO enjoying the whole morning after look. You're working it."  
  
"What? I am not."  
  
"You came down here like you'd just conquered something."  
  
Buffy took Dawn's glass of juice, downing it in one gulp. "No, I haven't done that yet."  
  
"You are so turning into Spike. You know that, don't you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're like Spike's double. He's rubbing off on you."  
  
"Well...I can't deny that, I guess."  
  
Dawn coughed. "You can go back up. I know you're dying to."  
  
Buffy grinned, practically jumping off the stool. "Thanks. Bye."  
  
Dawn just laughed to herself. Things were finally looking up.  
  
  
She lied beside him, contemplating his sleeping form. The room was entirely dark, save for a dim light the curtains and sheets covering the window couldn't hide. It was odd to be next to a vampire during the day. Angel had always stayed awake for her on mornings she'd come to see him, just so she'd feel more normal.   
  
But Spike...was himself. That was what she needed right now. No one trying to make her feel better, to make life better for her. Just someone who wanted to live alongside her fighting evil baddies, and sometimes...shag.  
  
She grinned. It was official. She really was becoming Spike. It was more fun than she'd ever imagined it could be.  
  
"Slayer..."  
  
She blinked. "You're sleeping. Go to sleep."  
  
He smiled, his eyes still closed. "I can't."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because...you're here. You're...effecting...me."  
  
She grinned, her mouth licking across his throat. He groaned. "Oh, am I?"  
  
"Yes...go away. I need sleep."  
  
"We could sleep...together."  
  
He laughed, his eyes opening slowly to look at her. Then he laughed again. "You are such a slut for this..."  
  
She kissed him. "Baby..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You love it when I'm a slut for you. So shut your mouth."  
  
He grinned, absently running his fingers across her cheek. "Why don't you shut it for me?"  
  
"You'd like that, huh?"  
  
"Mmm...hmm..."  
  
She leaned over and opened her mouth a little before sucking on his throat. Then she bit him a little and he laughed. "You...you're..."  
  
"I love your throat...yummm..."  
  
He let her finish and then looked at her. She saw fire in his eyes and silently thanked the powers that be for making him a vampire. She didn't even think of thanking his sire, she didn't even want to think about...her.  
  
Spike noticed the glare her eyes made and frowned. "What are you thinking about?"  
  
She cleared her head a little, then smiled at him. "Nothing."  
  
"Buffy tell me."  
  
"I was...Drusilla, okay? I was thinking about Drusilla."  
  
"What the hell are you doing that for?"  
  
She sighed, rolling off of him. "Nothing."  
  
"Don't do that. 'M not going to take that from you."  
  
She glared at him. "You're not going to take that from me? Who do you think you are, my master?"  
  
Spike stood up, walking over to her completely naked. He stood in front of her, then pushed her down onto the bed, looming over her. "You're mine."  
  
She trembled a little. "No."  
  
"Too late. You already said you were."  
  
"Well...I take it back."  
  
He smiled, a finger lightly tracing the line of her face. "Fine."  
  
He sat up, looking around for his clothes.   
  
Buffy stared at him, speechless.   
  
She watched him dress and then Spike walked out of her bedroom wearing his black jeans and an undershirt, showing off the muscles on his arms. The same arms she'd run her tongue over last night.  
  
Her eyes settled on the darkening spot on his throat, and she saw it was already healing. It wouldn't be there the next time she saw him.   
  
"I..."  
  
He just...left.   
  
No, wait. He can't leave. The sun's still out. Yeah.  
  
"Yeah...jerk."  
  
She sighed, stretching and looking around for her clothes. She realized she was still wearing his shirt, and brought it to her nose.   
  
It still smelled like him a little.   
  
Buffy took his shirt off and hung it up in her closet.  
  
  
Dawn heard Spike before she saw him. "'M gonna sleep in your room, Bit. Okay?"  
  
She turned around and saw Spike lurking in the shadows between the kitchen and the dining room. "Uh...okay. Is...?" she started to ask, but he turned and walked back upstairs.   
  
Dawn followed him and Spike stopped before heading up the stairs. "What?"  
  
"Is everything...okay?"  
  
"Fine. Just...bloody fine."  
  
"Spike, what's wrong?"  
  
He swallowed. "Nothing. 'M going to sleep, Bit."  
  
Dawn didn't follow him as he walked upstairs.   
  
As soon as she lost site of Spike, Buffy was standing at the top of the stairs. Her eyes were a little red when she came down to meet Dawn. "Buffy, what did you do?"  
  
"Me? What did I do?"  
  
"Well it had to be you. It's always you."  
  
Buffy glared at her. "You know, you're supposed to be MY sister. Not his. And you don't even know what you're talking about so I'd be quiet before you get me angry."  
  
"Buffy, you were just happy like ten minutes ago and..."  
  
Buffy pushed past her, and opened the front door. She looked at back at Dawn, her eyes full of tears. "Yeah...well...things change."  
  
Then she left, slamming the door behind her.  
  
-----------  
She entered the Magic Box with her key, locking the door behind her.   
  
Then she burst into tears, sliding to the floor.  
  
What was wrong with her? There was no reason at all why she'd done that. And Spike was...she'd hurt him just...because.   
  
The worst part was that now when she hurt him it wasn't as easy to pretend it didn't matter because...it hurt her too.   
  
Somewhere along the way she'd started to care maybe even to l...  
  
"No." she whispered, standing up.   
  
She walked around the shop, wiping tears from her face. "No! I can't...no."  
  
"You can't what?"  
  
She turned around to see Tara staring at her from the doorway of her training room.   
  
"I..."  
  
"Spike...this is about him?"  
  
Buffy's mouth started to quiver, and she let out a sob. Tara walked over to her and held her tightly.   
  
"It's okay...shh..."  
  
Buffy couldn't breathe. Why was she crying? It didn't make any sense. Spike was fun. This was supposed to be just feeling. Not hurting.   
  
"I hurt," she whispered, hugging Tara back.  
  
She felt Tara shaking against her. "So do I...Buffy I...I need to tell you something."  
  
Buffy pulled away from her and took a deep breath. "What."  
  
"Willow...last night...she...she..."  
  
"What? Tara tell me."  
  
"I called Angel."  
  
Buffy turned around to see Willow standing in the doorway of the shop. "You...what?"  
  
The witch smiled. "I called Angel. I knew that if I just called him and the two of you talked..."  
  
The blood in Buffy's body went ice cold.   
  
Spike.   
  
Something was wrong. She could feel something wrong. "Why? What gives you the right to just...to make decisions in MY life?"  
  
They stood on opposite sides of the shop, Willow making no move to be closer to her. "Because you don't understand what you're doing. And you need someone to help you. You won't listen to me so..."  
  
Buffy laughed. "I can't believe the gall you have! Thinking you're better than me at my life! Where is Angel, Willow? What did you tell him, huh? That Spike brainwashed me into thinking I loved him? Is that it? You can't even fathom that I could love someone because of what they were deep down inside?"  
  
Willow walked closer to her and then stopped when they were less than three feet apart. "Love? You don't love him."  
  
Buffy stopped smiling, her eyes widening. "I..."  
  
"He's just a spineless, worthless piece of flesh that looks good to you...you can't ever..."  
  
She wasn't even hearing Willow's argument, and Willow made no move to back away when she started to shorten their span apart.   
  
The sound of her fist slamming into Willow's face was the only thing heard throughout the quiet shop. Willow fell back, staring up at the slayer in shock.   
  
Then Buffy kicked her in the stomach, over and over again, tears streaming down her face.   
  
She stopped, barely able to take a breath and saw Willow still breathing.   
  
Buffy swallowed a sob, leaning down to make Willow look at her.   
  
"I've never loved anyone more than I love Spike. And I've never wanted to kill anyone more than I want to kill you right now."  
  
Willow stared at her with cold eyes, not saying a word.   
  
Buffy let her head fall back and then turned to look at Tara, who was contemplating Willow with shock. She made no move to go to her. "If I were you, I'd stay as far away from her as I possibly could."  
  
Then she left. 


	7. Like All the Rest

A/N: Sorry this is so short. I'm still debating on the rest of it. More   
will be up shortly.  
******************************  
  
  
There was a point in every man's life where they just gave up. This was   
not that time for Spike.  
  
She could say she hated him and didn't want to be with him but when he   
touched her, he knew that was where he was supposed to be.   
  
It played over and over in his mind, the times he'd seen her with   
Angel. Angel was good to her and so was he. He had never hurt her.   
Well…okay, maybe a few times. He promised himself that when she was   
through with him, he'd walk away.   
  
Now he had to lock the door to keep from going back into her bedroom   
and begging her forgiveness, when he knew it was her fault.  
  
There was no way he'd give her up.  
  
God, what was she doing to him?  
  
It was like...  
  
"I'm insane. That has to be it."  
  
He was letting her turn him into a fucking pansy. A whipping boy who   
did whatever she asked and took all of her insults while asking for   
more.   
  
When he'd envisioned him and Buffy together he hadn't pictured catering   
to her every need.   
  
"Spike?"  
  
Dawn. Great. "I'm sleeping."  
  
"No, you're not. Can I come in? It is my room."  
  
"Go away Bit, I'm not up for company."  
  
"Buffy left."  
  
"So?"  
  
"She was crying."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Spike I need something from my room."  
  
"Get it later."  
  
"Spike."  
  
He sighed, standing up and unlocking the door. He sat down on her bed   
with his head hanging down and she stood in front of him.   
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You and Buffy had sex."  
  
He looked up. "So?"  
  
"So? Don't lie to me and act like this is just nothing! I'm sixteen, a   
big girl! I can handle..."  
  
He growled. "Your sister and I screwed Dawn. Nothing more. And she's   
just as bloody fickle as before and I don't think I can stand being her   
punching bag one more time. Is that what you wanted to hear?"  
  
She stared at him, frowning. "What happened? She was so happy this   
morning when she came downstairs I..."  
  
"She can't get over the fact I'm a vampire and for some reason won't   
talk to me about anything at all. At all! I can't do this anymore Bit.   
I...can't."  
  
"Spike."  
  
He growled, standing up and starting to pace. "When sunset comes, I'm   
gone. I'm going back to my crypt and packing. That's it."  
  
"You can't leave! They all leave."  
  
His yellow eyes met her blue ones. "Well they had the right idea."  
  
  
  
"Are you okay Willow?"  
  
Willow tried to stand but lost her grip and stumbled. "I...I don't..."  
  
Tara came over to help her up. "You've drained yourself...you..."  
  
Willow squeezed her hand. "I love you."  
  
Tara sighed. "Don't."  
  
"Tara I..."  
  
"What is wrong with you, Willow? Tell me."  
  
Willow took a deep breath and started coughing. Then she took another   
one.   
  
"I...I am jealous...you were right. Just...not in the way you said. I   
don't...I can't...understand how Spike...Spike, mind you, could get   
Buffy happy when no one else could. How she smiled for him but glares   
at the rest of us...I...I pulled her out of hell, Tara. Hell! I saved   
her!"  
  
Tara let go of her hand and she almost fell again, but kept herself   
steady, hanging on the stair rail. "There's got to be more to it, Will.   
You don't know the whole story, none of us do. We just have to respect   
Buffy's choices, her secrets she wants to keep. YOU need to respect   
her."  
  
Willow sighed. "I...I got so dark, so fast. I still...I want to hurt   
someone."  
  
"Willow, look at me."  
  
Their eyes met and Tara took her hand again. "I love you...and I   
want...to stand by you. But you're making it so...hard."  
  
Tara squeezed her hand and Willow choked a little. "Tara I..."  
  
"No more dark. Come back to me, Willow."  
  
Willow let go of her hand and groaned. "I...I...I don't think..."  
  
Tara leaned down to Willow's face, lifting her girlfriend's chin up so   
their eyes met. "I'm strong Willow. You scare me...but I still love you   
as much as I ever have. But listen to me now. NEVER...ever...violate me   
in that way again. Never use my own spell against me. Or I'll overlook   
my feelings...and..."  
  
She squeezed Willow's hand and Willow saw her eyes turn completely   
green. "I'll hurt you. I will."  
  
Willow was shaking and her mouth wouldn't stop quivering. "Tara...I had   
to...Buffy needs Angel. She does."  
  
Power cracked between them. "Don't DO that! You WANTED to!"  
  
"I..."  
  
"You enjoyed the fear in my eyes."  
  
Willow let out a sob. "No." she whispered.  
  
"You'll lose everything if you go down this path."  
  
Willow hugged her tightly, shaking from head to toe. "I...I..."  
  
"Willow."  
  
"I'm sorry...god, I'm so sorry baby."  
  
"Stay with me Willow."  
  
Willow squeezed her tighter and her voice shook when she spoke.   
"Where...would I go?"  
  
"Just....stay with me. Be Willow."  
  
Willow took a deep, shaky breath. "This is too much for me to..."  
  
"I'm here. I am. You won't be alone."  
  
They looked at each other and them kissed deeply. Tara's arms went   
around her neck and Willow's hands got lost in her hair. Willow pulled   
away first, her hands moving to Tara's lower back. "I am   
so...lucky...to have you."  
  
"You are."  
  
"They hate me. Buffy, Xander, Dawn...even Anya. And Spike..."  
  
Tara put her hands on Willow's cheeks. "The best things you can do...is   
stay out it now. You've done enough damage."  
  
Willow sighed, eyes resting on Tara's dress. "I know."  
  
"Will, this isn't over."  
  
Willow looked up into her eyes and sighed. "I know."  
  
  
She knew something bad was happening.   
  
Still, she didn't go home.   
  
The worst possible thing that could happen would involve one other   
person besides Spike.   
  
So she went to the mansion and to Angel.  
  
The place smelled dead, looked rotten and old, and she wanted to leave   
the minutes she felt Angel inside.   
  
It took a few minutes of searching to find him and she found him in one   
of the bedrooms, wide-awake.  
  
"Angel."  
  
He turned and smiled. "Buffy."  
  
She didn't move and he came to her, hugging her tightly. "You're   
alive."  
  
Her heartbeat was racing, and she felt sweat on her forehead.   
"Angel...why are you here?"  
  
He pulled away from her, his eyes searching her face. "I'm here for   
you."  
  
"What did she tell you?"  
  
His eyes softened, and he took her hand. "She told me you were alive."  
  
She swallowed. "And?"  
  
He met her eyes and she saw the pain in them. "She told me you were   
with Spike."  
  
Buffy let out a sigh and shook his hand away, walking to the other side   
of the bedroom. She paced a little. "I am...I was...I'm not even sure   
now."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Angel growled. "Buffy, you don't know what you're doing...this isn't   
the right time for you to get into anything with...anyone."  
  
Buffy stopped, smiling a little. "This has nothing to do with the fact   
that it's Spike?"  
  
Angel sighed. "No."  
  
"If it had been some human guy, I was with, maybe even Xander..."  
  
"I don't think Xander is a good candidate either."  
  
"You hate him too, I forgot."  
  
Angel walked over to her, his hands resting on her shoulders. He moved   
his hands around to the front of her, and held her lightly. She slumped   
in his arms and he took the opportunity to smell her hair.   
  
She pushed him away. "Now, what was that?"  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Don't...do this. I'm warning you. Don't."  
  
Angel growled, his face changing. "He's a monster Buffy. He has no   
soul, no anything...he's just...a monster. Is this what you want to lie   
in bed with for the rest of your life?"  
  
She glared at him. "No...a long time ago, I thought I did. Your face is   
not the face I want to see when I want to wake up to for the rest of my   
life."  
  
Angel growled louder, his hands clenching into fists. He stared down at   
the floor.   
  
"Go...I'm...just..."  
  
She walked away from him, pushing him a little as she went.   
  
"Stay away from Spike."  
  
"You can't make me."  
  
She stopped at the door. "I can try."  
  
Angel looked up and his face changed into his human one. Buffy sighed,   
her eyes softening. "Don't make me hate you Angel."  
  
"You could never hate me."  
  
Her eyes hardened and she took on a defensive stance. "Never say   
never."  
  
Then she left, leaving him more determined than ever. 


	8. Damn Slayer

While Buffy was trying not to go home, Spike was daydreaming about where his   
next home would be.  
  
A crypt didn't seem appropriate now. Too many bad memories...plus they were hard   
to come by.  
  
An apartment maybe...a house...no, not a house.   
  
The prospect of leaving seemed liberating, almost destined, in a way. It seemed   
like the right thing for him to do. In the end Buffy would be better for it.  
  
It was always about Buffy.   
  
"When do I get to think about me again?"  
  
He kicked at something on theWhile Buffy was trying not to go home, Spike was   
daydreaming about where his next home would be.  
  
A crypt didn't seem appropriate now. Too many bad memories...plus they were hard   
to come by.  
  
An apartment maybe...a house...no, not a house.   
  
The prosWhile Buffy was trying not to go home, Spike was daydreaming about where   
his next home would be.  
  
A crypt didn't seem appropriate now. Too many bad memories...plus they were hard   
to come by.  
  
An apartment maybe...a house...no, not a house.   
  
The prosover he saw it had the inscription: 'To Mom All My Love, Buffy' on the   
back of it.   
  
Spike opened up the locket and saw a picture of Buffy and her mother inside of   
it, the picture looked fairly recent. "Shit...damnitt Joyce. You're not gonna   
make me stay."  
  
He threw the locket against the wall and it closed on its own.  
  
He looked at the alarm clock next to Dawn's bed. Sunset was in three hours.  
  
It seemed like an eternity.  
  
He started looking through Dawn's CDs and when he was ready to put one in, there   
was a knock at the door.  
  
"Go away."  
  
They knocked again.  
  
"I said, go away."  
  
"It's Dawn."  
  
He tensed. "What is it?"  
  
"I...I wanna come in. It IS my room."  
  
He sighed, getting up off the floor and walking to the door, opening it. He let   
her inside.  
  
"Look 'm sorry 'bout..."  
  
"I don't want you here when she gets back."  
  
He stopped. "Oh...well where..."  
  
She stared at him coldly. "I don't care where you go. As long as it's not here.   
You're not the right one for her. I was wrong...you...you're gonna hurt her   
again like all the rest of them and...you won't even try..."  
  
"Won't try? What do you think I've been doing? THAT was trying, Nibblet. And 'm   
through with it. You want me to leave?!? FINE!"  
  
He walked past her in a rush, and Dawn just stared at his retreating back.  
  
"God, Buffy...you picked the wrong person to mess with." she whispered, then   
followed to see where what he was going to do.  
  
Spike wandered around the lower level of the Summers home, unable to believe   
he'd just been kicked out by Dawn, DAWN of all people. She was his biggest fan.   
  
"Just where the hell am I supposed to go?"  
  
He looked at the basement door and opened it. Then he went down the stairs,   
closing it behind him.   
  
Dawn came downstairs and sighed, staring at the basement door. "Spike."  
  
"He's hiding now huh?"  
  
She turned and saw Buffy standing behind her. "I...I asked him to leave...and   
it's...it's not sundown so..."  
  
Buffy nodded. "He'll leave as soon as it sets then."  
  
Dawn heard how hollow her voice sounded. "Buffy...you okay?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "I'm fine. Really."  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
Buffy walked away from her and up the stairs. Dawn sighed. "This is too much for   
someone so young to handle. God?" she looked up at the ceiling, "If you're   
watching this right now...just let them beat each other up and get it over with.   
Please?"  
  
She sighed. "Or at least get him out of the house before Buffy has a breakdown."  
  
He left the house as soon as he felt the sun setting. Dawn wasn't the only one   
to watch him go.  
  
When he got back to his crypt he started breaking anything glass he had   
downstairs.  
  
"DAMNITT! FUCKING DAMNITT! BLOODY FUCKER!"  
  
He threw empty bottles at the walls, littering shards of glass along the floor.   
  
"Damn Slayer."  
  
He sat down on his bed, sipping from one of the almost full bottles and   
wallowing in self-pity.   
  
He felt tears in his eyes and willed them away just as the other presence he'd   
felt sometime ago finally spoke up.  
  
"Well...I take it Buffy finally saw how worthless you reallly are."  
  
Spike smiled at Angel. "You'd love that, wouldn't ya? Having me beg her to take   
me back like you would? I don't work that way Peaches. Sorry."  
  
Angel smiled at him. "You're hurting Spike. You only reserve the really good   
alcohol for the pity parties."  
  
Spike stood up, dropping the bottle on the floor in the process. It smashed and   
he didn't look down. "So...what is it this time Angel? Gonna tell me to stay   
away from your girl? 'S too late for that."  
  
Angel growled. "You've had her...I know."  
  
Spike grinned. "You know?"  
  
"She...she came to see me."  
  
Instantly the grin faded. "Oh...she..did?"  
  
Angel stood in front of him, trying to keep himself together. "Whatever power   
you think you have over her, it's gone. You've seen to that all by yourself. I   
just hope..."  
  
Absently picking at his fingernails Spike whispered, "Power...like the power   
that comes when I'm inside her...so...tight...so...you should've seen her face   
when she came...screaming my name and..." he smiled at Angel, "Probably cursing   
yours."  
  
Angel grabbed Spike's shoulder and threw him into the wall with all his   
strength. Spike spilled onto the floor, blood coming down his forehead.   
  
He laughed, slowly standing. "Well, well...looks like Daddy's been working on   
his moves a little...or...maybe you're just too afraid to have a fair fight?"  
  
Angel wasn't coherent enough to reply and Spike knew this was going to be fun.  
  
"I think maybe..."  
  
His face changed and he grinned at his sire. "Angel, Angel, Angel...what will I   
do with you? Hell...maybe..."  
  
Spike's head snapped back from the force of Angel's fist, and he still couldn't   
stop laughing.  
  
"STOP LAUGHING!"  
  
"I...can't! You're just so...fucking pathetic I..."  
  
Angel pinned him against the wall, his eyes baring into his childe's. "Pathetic?   
Yeah...like you aren't."  
  
"I am not.."  
  
Angel smiled, flashing his fangs. "She's got you so wrapped around her finger   
you'd do anything to please her. Think about it Spike. Why are you even fighting   
me back now? To please her. To fight for HER."  
  
Spike stopped smiling and punched Angel in the mouth, then moved his leg up to   
kick him in the head. Angel blocked him and started to laugh.   
  
"You know it's true. Face it, William. You're nothing to her but a shoddy   
replacement for me and you know it."  
  
"You know...maybe I am. But at least I don't leave her unsatisfied. I put smiles   
on her face. What do you do, Angel?"  
  
"We...you don't know what we have."  
  
Spike laughed. "Have? HAD! What you HAD! Can't you just give up already?!?"  
  
Angel growled, ready to attack him again.   
  
Spike beat him to it and kicked him in the head, causing the elder vampire to   
fall to the floor. Angel stared up at him. "You're worthless."  
  
"Keep telling yourself that, Peaches."  
  
Angel stood slowly, his back to Spike.  
  
"I want you dead."  
  
"I AM dead."  
  
Angel turned to look at him, his body language showing defeat. Then he smiled.   
  
"You know what?"  
  
Spike wiped some blood off his lip, spitting. "What?"  
  
"You're turning into me."  
  
Spike growled. "Am not."  
  
"You are. I just hope you have the strength."  
  
Before he could think of a good comeback Angel was gone, and Spike wanted to   
fight with him some more.  
  
Things seemed so much better when he was kicking Angel's ass.  
  
He sighed, falling back onto his bed. "Like him…pfft…right." 


	9. Confused? Yeah Me too. *smile*

A/N: My thanks to all that read this story, I wouldn't be finishing it without you. I'm sorry I haven't got around to thanking you before. But I am now. This part is a little confusing but it will get less confusing someday soon...maybe. *smile*   
  
This is for FanFreak, because she made me smile knowing she printed this out. And for Kimberly for helping me with the last part. I hope she's still reading and enjoying.  
  
And Rarachie and Chen, who wrote to me. Thank you both.  
  
  
Chapter Nine  
  
  
Time for killing things.  
  
Yep.  
  
Sure.  
  
Buffy Summers was wandering around her second cemetery that night, feeling very much depressed.  
  
And angry.  
  
Very angry.  
  
How DARE he.  
  
"Bastard."  
  
She'd expected so much more from him. More...begging, more...well more, let's put it   
that way.  
  
He said he loved her.  
  
She loved him.  
  
Had she told him this?  
  
No, of course not.  
  
" 'M not gonna give him that kind of power."  
  
She kicked at a rock on the grass, not really paying attention to anything. Which meant she didn't feel him come up behind her.  
  
His arms went around her waist, and she fell back against him. "Spike."  
  
The body behind her tensed.   
  
"No. Not Spike."  
  
Buffy pulled away from Angel's arms and stared at him, her eyes wide.  
  
"What the hell are you coming up and groping me for?"  
  
"I was just..."  
  
"No...answer me."  
  
"I..."  
  
She shook her head. "You honestly can't think...Angel..."  
  
He looked at his feet and she sighed. "Angel I..."  
  
He looked up and she saw the pain in his eyes. "Buffy I know you still love me. I just...you have to."  
  
"Angel I...I think I have to tell you...I...I'm in love with..."  
  
Before she could finish he cut her off with his mouth, pinning her arms down against her sides.  
  
She was too surprised at first to break the contact but it only took a minute for her to pull away, pushing him away with all of her strength.   
  
"What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
"Buffy you don't love him."  
  
She couldn't believe what was happening. "YES I DO!"  
  
"NO you...you can't."  
  
Her eyes were still hard when they looked at him and Angel had never seen her so angry before.  
  
"I do. And he doesn't know that. He...Angel..."  
  
Angel growled. "He doesn't deserve you."  
  
"Well I KNOW... that!"  
  
He sighed, anger showing in his shoulders. "He...he's not..."  
  
"He's not YOU? Is that it?"  
  
"Buffy...I..."  
  
She stared at him, tears in her eyes. "I love him Angel. He doesn't know that...and you...you shouldn't know that...now you do."  
  
He growled, pulling her towards him into another kiss. He practically shoved his tongue down her throat before she could push him away.   
  
"Bastard...you...just...stay away from us."  
  
"Us? This isn't real, Buffy...what you're feeling. You and me, we're real."  
  
She slapped him across the face. "Stay away from me." she whispered coldly, walking away from him.   
  
  
Someone called her house the minute she walked in, and she grabbed it before Dawn could. "Hello?"  
  
"H'lo...have fun tonight, Slayer?"  
  
She blinked, focusing on the words. "Spike?"  
  
"How did it feel Buffy? To have his tongue down your throat? Did you miss it? Was it everything you knew it would be?"  
  
He'd seen them.   
  
"Spike...he...I..."  
  
"I saw you. I...you didn't push him away and..."  
  
"I DID! I did push him away he...he kept trying but...but I don't want him. I..."  
  
"You what?"  
  
She held the phone tighter in her fingers, trying to calm herself before saying something she'd regret.  
  
He deserved to hear it from her, not from the phone.   
  
"I...can I come over?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I won't be here."  
  
She froze and Dawn walked into the kitchen, staring at her.   
  
"Where...where will you be? I'll come there."  
  
"Gone."  
  
"Gone...gone where?"  
  
He laughed. "As far away from you as I possibly could be, that's where."  
  
"Spike I have to see you I have to tell you I..."  
  
She heard the dial tone and slammed the phone down on the receiver.   
  
"Fuck."  
  
"He's leaving," she heard Dawn whisper.  
  
"Yeah...I guess so."  
  
"What are...are you going after him?"  
  
Buffy looked up at her little sister. "No."  
  
  
His car was parked in a back alley lot, where no one else would have been able to find it.   
  
Good thing.  
  
There wasn't much to bring except himself and some shit here and there, which he piled up in the backseat and could still see out the back window.  
  
Maybe he'd go to Vegas.   
  
It was always fun in Vegas.   
  
Drunk people walking around, women sniffing at him everywhere he went.  
  
Spike smiled, settling in the driver's seat of his DeSoto.  
  
"Yeah...fun..."  
  
He was just ready to close the door when an arm wrapped around his neck and threw him onto the pavement.   
  
"I'm gonna kill you."  
  
Angel stood staring down at him, a stake in his ready hand.  
  
Not this again.  
  
"Angel...well you're right on time."  
  
He started to stand and was kicked back down.  
  
"You're not even fit to exist, let alone love. I want you to say it, Spike. Say you don't deserve happiness and that you don't deserve her."  
  
Spike pushed Angel's leg off his chest and stood without any trouble, dusting himself off. "No...and why are you here anyway? You have her. I don't. You win. I lose."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I saw you kissing her. I saw..."  
  
Angel blinked at him, then remembered and smiled cruelly. "You saw?"  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
"You...saw."  
  
"Do me a favor Angel. Leave me out of it from now on. I don't need this anymore."  
  
"Fine...but I'll do Buffy one more big favor before I go."  
  
Angel came at him fast, pushing him into the fence behind them.   
  
He held the stake in front of Spike's face, both their eyes on it.  
  
"Ready, boy?"  
  
"You're gonna kill me now? Why?"  
  
"Keep you off my girl, wouldn't it?"  
  
Spike smiled. "Fine."  
  
"Ready William?"  
  
"As I'll ever be. Do it."  
  
Angel stared at the stake in his hand, and then raised it over his head.  
  
  
Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya sat around the table in the Magic Box, playing cards.  
  
"Got any...aces?"  
  
Tara smiled. "Go fish."  
  
Xander had chosen the game.  
  
It was twelve o'clock in the morning when Willow started coughing.  
  
Tara put a reassuring hand on her back, rubbing circles affectionately.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
"I...*hack*...I..."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Willow coughed one final time, and blood ran down her chin.   
  
Anya sighed. "She's gonna get the table all stained. Honey, find some paper towels."  
  
Xander stared at her. "She's sick, An. Will, what's..."  
  
Suddenly she stopped talking and looked at the door.   
  
"Someone's here."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Someone's..." she coughed again, reaching out to touch Tara's shoulder at the same time.  
  
Tara looked at Xander. "Call Buffy."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Tell her Spike's...just call her!"  
  
"Spike's what?"  
  
"NOW Xander!"  
  
She got up and went to the front door, opening it slowly.   
  
Spike lay still on the other side, his face a mess of cuts and bruises, a small piece of wood sticking out of his shoulder.  
  
She touched him, feeling for a second.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He opened his eyes, looking at the sky. Then he looked at her and sighed.   
  
"Oh great, he brought me here?"  
  
She stared at him oddly. "What?"  
  
"He...the stupid sod was..."  
  
He coughed, spitting out a tooth.  
  
"You're...okay?"  
  
"I'm fine...just..." he winced, standing.  
  
She put a hand on him. "You...who did this?"  
  
"Angel...he..."  
  
His legs fell out from under him and he hit the pavement with a crack.   
  
"Ow."  
  
Willow came up behind her, her hand on Tara's back. "He's...what..."  
  
Spike looked at her. "I'm still alive, witch. Sorry."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
He stood now, his hand reaching out and holding the door for support.   
  
"Angel kicked the shit out of me..."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I asked him to."  
  
Willow couldn't resist smiling and Spike stared at her. "What?"  
  
"You asked him to."  
  
"Damn right I did."  
  
"Yeah...right."  
  
"I did...I...god, he put the stake in me? Shit...someone get it out."  
  
Willow and Tara let him to the couch in the training room and he laid there to wait for Buffy. "You called her? Already?"  
  
Willow's face was pale. "I...I knew you were there."  
  
He smiled. "Really...well it looks like someone approves of me, then?"  
  
She sighed. "I didn't say that...Spike..."  
  
Tara put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "Later."  
  
Both witches left him alone and Spike waited for his plan to work.  
  
  
Angel walked back to the mansion, the muscles in his back aching from the fight his childe had put up.  
  
Man, that was bad.  
  
There was only so much he could do for Spike, when he disliked him so much.  
  
They'd stood there staring at that stake for five minutes and Angel couldn't kill him.  
  
He'd thrown it on the floor and told Spike he could have Buffy.  
  
He approved.  
  
Shit, he approved.  
  
Spike let him beat him up anyway and wanted Angel to leave him on Buffy's doorstep.  
  
"Would've been too easy." Angel smiled to himself, grabbing his coat off the dusty chair in the dining room and walking to where he'd kept his car.  
  
Buffy sat in the driver's seat, tearstains on her face and her hands tight around the steering wheel.   
  
Angel stared at her, his body tensing just watching the way she stared out the windshield.  
  
"You didn't listen to me."  
  
"Buffy...he..."  
  
"Don't. Don't even try to make..."  
  
She turned and looked at him, then stood up in the car.   
  
Angel didn't even see her coming and wouldn't have fought back even if he had.  
  
  
She didn't come.  
  
Spike fell asleep on the couch at three in the morning and Tara covered him up entirely with a blanket.  
  
He woke up to Willow singing foreign words.  
  
His eyes opened and he saw she was punching the bag on the wall, her hands taped.  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
She stopped singing and looked at him. "It's almost noon."  
  
"She..."  
  
"She called."  
  
He sighed, sitting up and stretching. "She CALLED."  
  
Willow punched the bag hard and grunted. "She asked if you were okay. I said you were hurt but still alive...or...undead...or whatever...she said okay and hung up."  
  
Spike stood up, staring at her. "Well...that's it then."  
  
Willow stopped moving and looked at him. "You're leaving?"  
  
"Why should I stay?"  
  
"We need you. You're...important."  
  
He smiled. "Since when do you appreciate me more than Buffy does?"  
  
She shrugged. "I found something else to occupy my time."  
  
She smiled, her eyes on something standing behind Spike. "Something much more exciting and much more...important." Tara finished for her.  
  
Spike looked behind him and sighed. "I can't listen to the two of you anymore or I might puke."  
  
Tara smiled at him. "Good morning."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Yes, it is. I left you something to eat down in the basement. Help yourself."  
  
He smiled a little at her, patting her head as he walked out of the door and into the shop.  
  
He slowly crept along the shadows to the basement door and went down the stairs.  
  
  
"There are so much more important things to do then fight, Angel. Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Buffy kicked your ass, huh?"  
  
"I let her."  
  
"Yeah...keep telling yourself that." 


	10. Words and Whores

She sat on the floor, playing with her fingers.   
  
Impatiently she kicked her foot at a piece of crumbled up brown wrapping, and then looked at the tiny blue cooler Tara had left beside her.  
  
When she saw him coming down the stairs she stayed quiet and still until he found her himself.  
  
His eyes softened, but he still looked hurt.  
  
In more ways than one.   
  
"What's this?" he asked, standing by the stairs.  
  
"Your blood. And me...delivery girl."  
  
"I see that. Why? You didn't seem to care that I was covered in blood last night so why bring me some this morning?"  
  
She smiled.   
  
God, she'd missed him.  
  
"I was busy."  
  
"Oh...BUSY."  
  
"Trying to put Angel in the hospital....not like he'd ever need to go, but..."  
  
He frowned. "Angel? You...you went after Angel?"  
  
"Yeah, I did."  
  
He moved closer, standing right in front of her but not sitting down on the floor. "Why?"  
  
Buffy looked at his shoes, reaching out and touching them with the base of her thumb. "Because."  
  
"Because?"   
  
She didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling.  
  
"He hurt you, didn't he?"  
  
"He did."  
  
"So I hurt him."  
  
She heard him sigh and looked up, meeting his eyes. "Why?" he asked again, growing impatient.  
  
"Because."  
  
Suddenly he was sitting down in front of her, their eyes only inches apart. "Because why?"  
  
"Because..." she reached out to touch his chest, her fingers coming dangerously close to the opening in his shirt.   
  
His breath caught and she smiled.   
  
She loved it when he did that...though he didn't need to. "Spike..."  
  
"What?"  
  
She looked up at him, licking her lips. "Kiss me."  
  
He leaned in so close she could feel the cold coming off his skin.   
  
"Why?"  
  
She grinned. "Because I love you, stupid."  
  
He laughed, licking his lips. "Really?" he asked, sounding uninterested.  
  
"Yes...for some time now."  
  
"Took you long enough." he mumbled.  
  
His hand went behind her head and he pulled her mouth to his.   
  
The kiss was slow at first, exploring what he'd missed the last few days. Then she pushed open his mouth and he remembered they didn't need to take it slow.  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I'm still mad at you."  
  
"Okay." she mumbled, kissing him again.  
  
He pushed her away a second, just looking at her face. "I love you."  
  
She smiled, tears forming just a little in her eyes. "I love you too."  
  
"And...I have to tell you something." he whispered, his mouth now right next to her ear.   
  
Buffy leaned into him, sighing. "Okay."  
  
"I asked Angel to beat me up."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I...he...it was sort of him helping me. He approves."  
  
She looked at him. "He APPROVES?"  
  
He nodded. "I guess. Or he just REALLY wanted to kick on me."  
  
"I would guess the latter."  
  
Spike's tongue came out of his mouth and she caught it in hers, sucking on it a little. He laughed, wiping his chin.   
  
"You're so vulgar."  
  
"Hey, you told me you liked that."  
  
"Well I DO...it's still vulgar."  
  
She kissed him quick and grinned. "Whorish."  
  
"Very whorish."  
  
She tugged at his earlobe. "You're so mean to me."  
  
"Just truthful...not mean."  
  
She kissed him and then shook her head. "Okay...I guess...so...about this Angel thing...I didn't HAVE to beat him up?"  
  
"You never HAD to...but if you HAD had to...then no, you didn't."  
  
She stared at him. "We have a real messed up thing going on here."  
  
He scooted closer to her and she settled against him, almost in his lap. "That we do, kitten."  
  
"Kitten?"  
  
"No good?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Hmm..."  
  
"Baby was...okay it's just......nothing seems...right."  
  
"Whore?"  
  
She turned pinched his leg. "No."  
  
"Well...figure something out and get back to me."  
  
"Okay...hungry?"  
  
His lips were suddenly on her neck, and she sighed when a slow sharpness came across the sensitive skin. "Very."  
  
"Not for...me...for food."  
  
"You're food some of the time..."  
  
She turned her head up so she could look at him upside down and he kissed her, his teeth cutting across her tongue.   
  
"Mmm..."  
  
"Spike...are you hungry or not?"  
  
His arms went around her and squeezed. "You're not mad at me...about Angel?"  
  
"Angel's a bastard."  
  
He laughed, kissing the top of her head. "That he is, slayer....but...he's...."  
  
She turned fully now, looking at him.   
  
His vampire face was gone in an instant and she saw the hurt all across his face. "He's what?"  
  
"He's Angel."  
  
"So?"  
  
"You..."  
  
She sat up some, on her knees in front of him. "He's nothing...you're what I want and have now. Angel's...an afterthought."  
  
He sighed. "Still...he's a thought."  
  
"He's a thought I have when I'm feeling particularly happy and I instantly get depressed. He's...he's not you."  
  
Spike smiled. "He's not, is he?"  
  
She kissed him slow, hands lingering in his hair and messing it just a little. "No one is. No more Angel...or fighting."  
  
Spike's arms came up around her lower back, picking her up some and setting her in his lap. "Unless it's foreplay."  
  
She laughed, pushing him onto the floor. He didn't seem to mind. "Of course." 


	11. Where's the Parade?

"Word has it...you're a vampire."  
  
"Word has it right."  
  
She giggled. "So...vampire....what...can you...ooohhh...lower...do...for....mmm....me?"  
  
"Whatever you want...within...limits."  
  
She sighed. "LIMITS? Well that's too bad...I'm looking for a REAL man."  
  
Spike looked down at her, growling. "Real man, eh? And how much do whores like you cost around these parts?"  
  
She grinned, then made an angry face. "I am no whore."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"This man says differently."  
  
She flipped him over onto his back again, staring down at what was in front of her. "Hey...vampire....have you seen my boyfriend? He was lyin' around here somewhere..."  
  
Spike shook his head sadly. "Sorry...he was...inadequate...I had to kill him."  
  
"No you didn't."  
  
"I did."  
  
She sighed. "Well...I guess I'll just have to screw you then."  
  
"I guess so."  
  
She kissed him roughly, her hands digging into his ribs and his doing the same. He slowly made the move to roll her over and whispered in her ear, "Oops...I lied."  
  
She giggled. "We're so stupid."  
  
She kissed him, her tongue running across his top canines. He purred. "We are."  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Do you think...it would be...bad if we..."  
  
His eyes were heavy with lust, and she could feel his arousal against her legs.   
  
"'M way ahead of you, slayer."  
  
"You know me so well."  
  
He kissed her hard, her lips feeling somewhat bruised when he pulled away.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She intertwined her fingers with both of her hands, raising them up above her head. "I love you too...I'll never stop saying it."  
  
He started to pull off the buttons on her shirt with his teeth and she heard him mumble," Again."  
  
"I love...ohhh...mm...I love you."  
  
  
Xander walked by the door to the basement, his ears perking up at the sound coming from behind it.   
  
His hand was on the doorknob when he heard Willow behind him. "I wouldn't if I were you...they're...well I'm betting on some rough action down there."  
  
He turned and looked at her. "Buffy and...Spike?"  
  
She smiled some, rolling her eyes. "No...Spike and the packing crates."  
  
He blushed. "Geez Will...you sure are chipper. You've been monsterlike all week."  
  
She stopped smiling. "Well...I...well I've developed...an immunity to them."  
  
He walked away from the door and she followed him. "Immune huh? And you're not wondering why Buffy is so much happier now that she's got her dead man?"  
  
"She's...in love."  
  
"It didn't start out that way."  
  
Willow sighed, trying not to speak her own suspicion. "It's not our business."  
  
Xander looked at her, his eyebrow raised. "Maybe we should make it our business."  
  
Before she could respond Tara called out her name and she shakily smiled at her girlfriend from across the room. She looked at Xander. "Drop it."  
  
He shrugged. "Okay...whatever. Hey An...I think we're done for the day."  
  
"YOU ARE NOT!" Tara yelled.   
  
Anya smiled at him, shaking her head. "I own this place...I don't need to work in it. I'm the one paying all of you and..."  
  
"Fine, fine. Just go. Hey can one of you check up on..."  
  
Tara trailed off, her mouth curling into a grin. "Nevermind."  
  
Dawn Summers stood in the doorway of the shop, a small smile on her face as well. "Hey people...Buffy here?"  
  
Every face in the room turned a little red and refused to look at her. Willow just mumbled, "She's...busy." and walked away.  
  
Dawn dropped her bag on the table as she walked by, and then went behind the counter to work a little. Anya suspiciously seemed to run away from her and Xander hid up in the stacks.   
  
She rolled her eyes and smiled as a customer came in the door.  
  
Willow and Tara greeted the woman at the door and handed her a basket, then disappeared as well.  
  
Something was up.   
  
Good or bad, she didn't know.  
  
  
Buffy fell asleep on him, so Spike tried to pass the time counting spiderwebs on the ceiling.   
  
After about a minute it got boring.  
  
He sighed, pulling her closer.   
  
Things seemed so...same. It wasn't the big event he'd expected it to be and that was a little nice and a little unsatisfying.   
  
He loved her.   
  
Hell he'd loved her for a long time.   
  
And now she told him she loved him and things seemed the same. Better? He wasn't sure.  
  
He kissed her forehead and she smiled, sighing.   
  
Her body felt colder and colder against him and that was a nice thing. Made it seem like they were melting into each other.   
  
Spike's face broke out into a grin, and he traced the marks on Buffy's shoulder.   
  
She sighed louder, nearly moaning.  
  
"Slayer..."  
  
She mumbled something and he pinched her arm. "Ow."  
  
"We need to get dressed."  
  
"You tore my shirt."  
  
He laughed. "Not my problem. You had my hands...what was I 'sposed to do?"  
  
She sighed, sitting up and stretching.   
  
He watched her and wondered what it would be like if they weren't together.  
  
She turned and smiled at him. "What're you thinkin' about?"  
  
"You."  
  
"That's good. What about me?"  
  
She stood up, exposing herself to the room and not caring one bit.  
  
Spike smiled.   
  
Well for one thing, she'd probably live a more discreet life.   
  
She would've shriveled up and lived celibate for the remainder of her days...longing for him each and every time she killed some poor unsuspecting vampire.  
  
"What are you smiling about?"  
  
"About how horrible your life would be without me. You know...with no man and all."  
  
Buffy pulled on her shirt, shaking her head. "You honestly think I'd live the rest of my life alone? Guys are everywhere. I may not have loved someone again but that doesn't mean my bed would've stayed cold."  
  
His eyes widened and she tried to stay smiling at his growl.  
  
She continued, "It's not like you'd stop fucking around either Spike...we're just that way. We need physical...stuff."  
  
She finished pulling on her pants and the looked at him.   
  
His eyes were yellow and he was struggling not to throw her back down on the cold basement floor again.  
  
Show her how much she'd REALLY miss him.  
  
"You think you're so important?"  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "To you? Yes."  
  
"You're not."  
  
"Oh no? When did you change your mind."  
  
"I WOULD keep fucking random women...I could...maybe I would've met up with some other vampire and settled down with her...fallen in LOVE."  
  
She folded her hands in front of her, starting to get angry.  
  
This was not a fun game. "Oh yeah? Who?"  
  
"Well...someone."  
  
"Dru?"  
  
Spike stood up, buttoning his jeans and grabbing his shirt off the floor. "Yeah...maybe."  
  
"Fine. Go have her. I dare you."  
  
His eyes met hers in a challenge and changed from bright yellow to blue in a matter of a minute. He sighed. "Buffy...why are we fighting about this?"  
  
She glared at him. "You started it."  
  
"DID NOT! You did!"  
  
She stopped glaring and smiled. "Yeah...I did, didn't I?"  
  
He continued to glare at her, not even a little amused. "Yes."  
  
The slayer put her arms around his mid-section, and then ran her tongue up from his stomach to his nipples. He sighed, growling. "'M sorry." she whispered.  
  
"'M still mad."  
  
She smiled at him. "Good...then I can spend tonight making it up to you."  
  
A smile played at the corner of his mouth and he willed it away. "Yeah...you'd better."  
  
She pushed against him, grinning. "Looks like we have something to look forward to."  
  
He didn't talk and she pretended to pout. "You're being mean, Spikey."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Smile. Show me how cute you are. I heard all the other vampire slayers talking about how they'd like to jump your bones."  
  
He smiled then. "There aren't any other slayers."  
  
"Faith. She wanted you."  
  
"Well...yeah, she did. But I only wanted her because she was YOU."  
  
She reached up on her tip-toes and he met her half-way, his hand coming behind her back to lift her into a kiss.  
  
"Good boy." she whispered, kissing his nose. 


	12. Ahh...love.

A/N: Sorry this took so long! It isn't as long or as complicated as I'd hoped. I'm STILL not done with this and I WILL finish, I swear. Really.  
  
  
Dawn Summers came home late that night after leaving the annoyingly quiet magic shop to her sister's friends.   
  
Buffy wouldn't care anyway...wallowing in her sorrow about Spike and all.  
  
She walked into the dark house and heard giggling from the dining room.   
  
"I never said to make me dinner! I don't eat."  
  
"Well you'd better learn. I need to practice making this stuff for Dawnie...she needs real food."  
  
"I can cook."  
  
"And where are you during the morning and noon hours of the day, huh?"  
  
She peeked around the corner and saw Spike sitting at the table, and her sister in his lap feeding him bloody pieces of steak.   
  
She blinked, not sure what she was seeing.   
  
Yep. It was real.  
  
She started to turn back around when Spike's voice stopped her. "Hello Niblet...late night?"  
  
She came out of the shadows and smiled warily. "Uh...yeah. I...was at Stacy's."  
  
Buffy smiled at her. "Stacy?"  
  
"My friend...Stacy."  
  
"Do I know her?"  
  
Dawn was about to explain who Stacy was when Spike interrupted. "You don't know her...she's...one of Dawn's newer friends. Quite annoying...cute...but not very..."  
  
"She's not annoying."  
  
Buffy grinned, kissing Spike on the cheek. "Stop being cute. She doesn't like when you make fun of her. And she can't fight back."  
  
Dawn suddenly felt very angry with her sister. "I CAN TOO! I...you don't know what I can do! You...I've...I grew up real fast while you were..."  
  
Buffy stopped smiling and finished her sentence. "Dead? It's okay Dawnie, you can say it. I have."  
  
Spike wrapped his arm around Buffy's shoulder and squeezed. He kissed her sister's forehead and Dawn saw tears in Buffy's eyes.   
  
"Are you gonna tell me? Are...will you ever just say it?" she whispered.  
  
Buffy looked at her with hollow eyes, blinking.   
  
Spike stared Dawn down and she felt like an intruder in her sister's life.  
  
It wasn't supposed to be that way.   
  
"I know...Buffy. I...I've known. You...it's obvious."  
  
"Is it?" Buffy whispered, her eyes hardening.   
  
"You're hurting things more keeping it to yourself. I...I had to deal with it on my own and...I would've...liked to help you."  
  
Buffy looked away from her and met Spike's eyes. He kissed her softly and she sighed. "I don't need help anymore. I'm fine."  
  
"Yeah...because of Spike. Because you don't want to deal with pain and Spike doesn't want to hurt you. He'll do anything not to hurt you and..."  
  
"He hurts me all the time....and I hurt him. That's how we are. The only thing different is that there's no shit that comes along with it. He..."  
  
Dawn swallowed. "I...I love you Buffy. You're my sister. I only...I only want to know what's wrong."  
  
"I'm fine Dawn. I'm not talking about this."  
  
"You were in Heaven Buffy. You...they took you from there."  
  
She let out a cry when Buffy started to sob, and Spike held her tightly. He looked at Dawn and sighed.   
  
"C'mere Bit...come here."  
  
"I...I didn't..."  
  
Buffy looked at her, still not able to stop the tears from coming and nodded. "Dawnie.."  
  
Dawn went over to her and they hugged, both crying.   
  
"I...I'm so sorry...I..."  
  
"I...you...I...oh..."  
  
Buffy took a deep breath, coughing. She ran fingers through her baby sister's hair and hummed under her breath. "It's okay...I...I'm okay...I..." she choked and Spike kissed her.   
  
"Things are getting better here...I have you...and I have Spike. That's all I need."  
  
Dawn fell into her sister's embrace, not moving. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"I needed to come back Dawnie...I know that now. There was a reason."  
  
She looked at Spike again, then started to stand. Dawn fell in step with her and stood as well, not letting her go.   
  
Spike watched them silently, and then decided to let them be alone.  
  
  
Willow was asleep and Tara watched her.  
  
She looked happier.  
  
Felt...better.  
  
There was something in her eyes though...everyone could see it.  
  
Tara sighed, closing her eyes.  
  
"Willow."  
  
She heard Willow sigh and felt a whisper in her head.   
  
Yes?  
  
"Buffy's..."  
  
Lying to us.  
  
Tara opened her eyes. "She is?"  
  
Mm hmm...she is.   
  
"Are you..."  
  
I'm fine, baby. Come to sleep.  
  
Tars smiled lying back down next to her love and petting Willow's hair. "I love you."  
  
She saw Willow smile and then open her eyes. "I know...that's all I need."  
  
They kissed and Willow's fingers grazed her throat. Tara sighed.  
  
"Willow...it's been..."  
  
Willow kissed her there. "I know...I know baby."   
  
She tickled along Tara's neck and hummed to herself. "So beautiful..."  
  
"I am not."  
  
She smiled. "You are."  
  
"You're biased."  
  
"Maybe I am."  
  
Tara smiled, looking at her. "Willow...tell me."  
  
"I love you baby."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
  
She got Dawn to sleep and came back downstairs to an empty room.  
  
Stupid Spike.  
  
She cleaned up the dishes and was putting them into the dishwasher when he came through the door.  
  
"Hello l..."  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
Spike froze.   
  
"Where were you, Spike?"  
  
"I...I thought...you needed time alone with your baby sis, Slayer...I was..."  
  
Buffy turned and glared at him. "You could've said goodbye...you...Dawn thought you were mad at her and...I...I had to reassure her that you weren't leaving me. Me. I had to."  
  
Spike closed the distance between them and put his hand out to touch her arm.   
  
"Buffy."  
  
"Don't just expect me to shut you out."  
  
"I..."  
  
"I need you here. I..."  
  
"'M sorry."  
  
Their eyes met and she sighed, leaning into him. "Spike..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
He smiled. "Good."  
  
"More than I've ever loved..."  
  
"Don't Buffy just..."  
  
"Anyone."  
  
He stopped smiling and she was trembling. "I...I trust you with me. I...I never trusted anyone with that. With...the bad stuff."  
  
She looked up at him again, not smiling. "Make love to me."  
  
He stared at her, eyes searching her face. She touched his cheek, smiling.   
  
"Now?"  
  
She kissed his mouth, standing up a little on her toes to meet his mouth.  
  
Spike's hands came up under her butt, and he leaned her on the sink.  
  
Then he started to devour her from the neck down.  
  
She sighed. "Spike..."  
  
"Buffy I..."  
  
"I love you."  
  
He growled. "Don't...stop."  
  
She smiled. "I'm not going to." 


	13. Bite Harder

A/N: Okay, this isn't very much. I realize that. But hell, at least it's something. There will be more soon, once I figure out how to end all the madness. *smile* Don't hate me…I'm just a little lazy.

"Are you aware…that you make me giggle?"

He smiled, running his fingers through her hair as she moved a little closer to him from her perch on the countertop. "Oh really?"

"Mmm….hmm…and you…make it difficult to…breathe…some…times."

"Oh…I see."

She closed her eyes and leaned in to his hand as it traveled up the back of her short tee shirt and listened to him growling deep in the back of his throat. "Spike."

He looked up suddenly and met her eyes. "What?"

"You see? That's all you're gonna say?"

He grinned, his fingers coming up to her temple and brushing ever so lightly down to her earlobe. 

She shivered. "Spike…"

"Hmm?"

"Dawn…she…she asked me if I was happy."

He kissed her chin and made his way down to her throat, still grinning against the skin. "Mmm…"

"I…I told her…"

He licked across her voicebox and bit just a little, not noticing that there was no pain at the contact. 

She closed her eyes and licked her lips, smiling. "And I said..."

Spike slowed down his worship of her skin to a kiss and then stopped completely, looking into her eyes. 

You said what, love?"

"I've never been happier."

He grinned. "All right then."

Buffy blushed but didn't look down, reaching out to caress his cheekbones. "All right then?"

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"You're not…gonna be happy that I said that?"

He smirked, looking around the room. "You've said that to me before."

She frowned. "I have?"

He looked back at her. "You have…many times…in many…ways."

Spike put his hands on both sides of her head and kissed her roughly, mentally taking note that he didn't have to pull her to him…she came on right against him on her own.

She even wrapped her legs around his waist. 

They were both getting into things again when someone cleared their throat, causing them both to turn and look at the doorway.

Dawn was smiling sleepily. "I…guess everything's okay then?"

Spike grinned. "Everything is perfect, Bit…perfect."

She rolled her eyes and walked to the fridge, opening it and whistling under her breath.

Buffy took her legs away from Spike's waist and hopped off the counter, petting the top of Dawn's head as she left the kitchen. 

Spike sighed, leaning against the sink. 

Dawn turned and looked at him over her shoulder. "She rode you hard, huh?"

He grinned. "You have no idea, pet…and…" he frowned, "…never utter that sentence again."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Spike…poor Spike. I can't wait till you move in."

"Move in?"

Dawn raised her eyebrows. "It's gonna happen sooner or later…you know that, right? I mean…you always end up here."

"Not…"

"Yes, always…but…you guys are sleeping together…sometimes…and you're in love…I get it."

He smiled.

"You're…you make me happy, pet."

He walked over and took her into his arms, kissing Dawn on the cheek. She sighed. 

"Well…you've made my life better too, Spike," she pulled away and looked into his eyes, "You've made both the Summers women happy."

"A feat within itself."

She bit into an apple, grinning. "Go you." 

Tara woke up when it was still dark outside and sighed, trying to close her eyes again. 

It wasn't going to happen.

She looked down at Willow smiling and running her fingers through the soft hair lying across both of their pillows, then leaned down to take in the strawberry scent that had became as familiar as air in her world.

She was afraid for Willow all the time and it wasn't normal. 

Normal couples knew they could be okay apart but she knew that wasn't the case with her and Willow.

If they ever broke up Willow wouldn't be able to control herself alone.

She wasn't sure she'd be all that good alone either.

She closed her eyes and felt a tear on her cheek. 

It was scary to be so in love sometimes.

"Tare?"

She opened her eyes and sighed, not bothering to pretend around the one person who could read her better than she could read herself.

Willow's eyebrows were furrowed and she took her hand, squeezing tightly. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I…I don't ever want to lose you."

"You won't…what makes you think you will."

Tara swallowed. "I…you need to do something for me, Will."

Willow smiled. "Anything."

"I…I want you to quit magic a while."

"What?"

She squeezed their hands tighter and curled up against the woman beside her. "I…I'm afraid for you, baby…I…just a while…I…I'll do it too…it can be a…cleansing."

Willow smiled then, lifting their hands up and staring at them in the moonlight. 

"A cleansing."

"Yeah."

She kissed Tara's hand and pulled up on it so Tara looked up, and then she kissed her softly, running her tongue across her lover's lips. "Okay…a cleansing."

Tara sighed then, relieved. "And after the cleansing…we can…think about getting our own place."

Willow grinned. "You're getting as tired of hearing Buffy and Spike grunt as I am?"

Tara smiled. "Don't they know we can hear them? I mean…Dawnie's in the house too…she's only a teenager…she doesn't need to hear, 'Bite harder.' from her sister's mouth…they're going to scar her."

Willow giggled. "We'll talk to them in the morning."

"Morning…we can light some candles and start our first magic free day."

Willow's smile faded some but didn't disappear. "I can't wait."

Anya fell asleep alone after waiting on Xander till two.

He came home at two-thirty and fell asleep on the couch with a book in his hand on raising the dead, and the last thing through his mind was Buffy, and that depressed look she'd had when they'd first seen her.

Buffy woke up with a bite mark on her throat, and remembered the way Spike had purred in her ear while he'd bitten harder. 

She smiled in the mirror as she brushed her teeth, and tried to crawl across the bed without waking him. 

"Spike…"

She licked along his neck and he growled, turning so his mouth was an inch away from hers. 

"Spike…"

He opened one eye. "Wht?"

"Bite me."

He closed his eye and turned away from her. She shook him. "Spike.."

"I'm not gonna bite you this early in the morning, love. Go back to bed."

"Spike…please?"

He opened his eyes and sat up sharply, his eyes yellow and teeth bared. "This had better lead to sex."

She grinned. "If you're a good…"

He knocked her back on the bed and licked her throat once before biting down. 

Buffy sighed and clutched at his hair roughly. "Harder…"

He moved to pull away and she held him in place, moaning when his teeth went deeper and he sucked so hard she was sure to have a hickey mark darker than any normal woman should carry.

Spike pulled his mouth away and licked his lips, staring down at her in shock. "Slayer I…"

She smiled. "I know…I…I remembered last night and…"

He grinned. "What…did you change your blood in the last two days?"

She licked her lips. "Well…I have been having sex with you a lot…that could've helped."

"If that's the reason I would've turned many women before you into non-humans."

She kicked his leg. "Don't talk about other girls you've screwed…I'm the only one you'll remember anyway."

He pulled her shirt up and licked across her belly, nipping a little at the sensitive skin there and delighting in her sigh. "I'm sure I will, love…but you won't even remember your own name when I'm through."

Buffy closed her eyes and bit her tongue when he pulled off her pajama pants, tasting blood in her mouth and not caring. 

"Nothing underneath, Slayer?"

She smiled. "You've turned me into a slut, baby…what can I say?"

"Thank you, would be nice."

She laughed then, her shoulders shaking and feet curling around his. 

Spike shut her up when he licked across her sex, making her hips buck to meet his tongue and turning her into a writhing…well…

"My beautiful whore…" he whispered against her skin, biting down and making her scream.

"Bastard." she whispered, her eyes opened now and staring at the ceiling.

He slid up her body to her mouth and kissed her softly, his fingers grazing across her cheek. 

When they pulled their mouths apart they both smiled at each other. "I love you." she whispered, her fingers entertwining with his. 

"I love you, Slayer…sex now?"

She grinned. "Of course…you don't call me whore for nothing do you?"

"Hell no."

"Sex then."

Spike moved off of her and she took off her shirt, then laid back down on the bed completely nude. 

He stared at her a while until she blushed. "Don't do that."

"I'm allowed, love…enjoy it."

"I do but…"

Spike stopped her sentence when he moved over her and there were no more words.


	14. Pretend

"There's something going on."

Willow looked up from the inventory she'd been reading to frown at Xander. "Drop it."

"She's got bites all over, Will. Like lots of 'em. And she…she's not even covering them, I mean doesn't she realize…"

"I said drop it, Xan. They bite each other during sex, so what? He's not sneaking them while she sleeps."

"But I've counted six I can see. Why would he do that? I mean…SIX. He should be hiding in his hole but he's here acting perfectly fine. It's…"

She glared at him then and he saw her eyes flash. "Shut up Xander."

He sighed, hand up on his forehead. "Fine…fine. If you're just gonna pretend…"

Willow turned away from him and went over to Tara, instinctively clinging to the blonde like a frightened child. Tara turned and smiled at her, then frowned when she saw the look in her eyes. "What's wrong honey?"

"I…Buffy stuff. Xander's…" Willow mumbled, caressing Tara's arm and staring at the floor. 

Tara took her hand and held it tightly, trying to pass something through them. 

Willow swallowed, her eyes locking on Tara's when she whispered hoarsely, "No magic…remember?"

"I know…it's not magic. Just…me."

"Oh."

She smiled and kissed Tara's cheek, sighing softly. "I love you."

Tara smiled and kissed her on the forehead. 

On the other side of the store Buffy was fixing the bookshelf alone but could feel a gentle hum from behind the door that housed the training room…and Spike.

She smiled to herself, running a finger along the word Vampire on the spine of some random book and licking her lips. 

He was clouding her mind making her forget the pain, making her forget…what she'd lost.

A tear fell down her cheek and she left it there, shaking her head and continuing on. 

Nothing good ever came of thinking of that before. Nothing.

Tears welled up in her throat and she turned so no one could see her face, trying to cry soundlessly and knowing with these tears that was impossible.

She slowly walked under the stairs and was in front of the door when someone whispered, "You're crying."

She sniffled but didn't turn her head. "Go watch the register, Anya."

Anya put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I…I won't tell anyone."

Buffy shrugged her away and went where Spike was asleep, closing the door behind her. She took a deep breath and found him blindly in the dark by feeling alone. 

She laid her head down beside him and held on tightly, crying softly in his shoulder.

Spike opened his eyes after a minute and started petting her hair, purring from the back of his throat. "You have to talk to me, love. You can't keep all of this side."

She kissed his neck once and whined, "I…"

"Trust me, slayer…just trust me…PLEASE."

She kissed his chin and nuzzled it, sighing.

Spike was ready to open his mouth to try again when she whispered, "My mother, Spike…they took me…from my mother. I…I needed her so bad and they…"

She started to sob and he kissed her quiet, one hand in her hair and the other stroking her bare belly in circles. When he pulled away she was breathless, but no longer crying. "Spike…"

He could see the hurt and lust in her eyes and hated himself for thinking he'd never wanted her more.

"No more, Buffy. Not now."

She sighed, relieved, and kissed him once before leaving the couch and stretching. 

He watched her crack her neck once, twice, and then she turned to smile at him. "I love you."

He licked his lips and smiled back. "I love you, Slayer. Now get out of here before you're needed."

She sighed and leaned down to kiss him again, sucking on his tongue and grinning when he pulled on her shoulder to keep from separating. 

"Later."

He groaned, still smiling, and she winked at him even though she couldn't see exactly where he was. 

He licked his lips. "Definitely later."

She opened the door and slipped back out, walking to the bathroom and closing that door behind her.

She splashed some water on her face and looked in the mirror, sighing heavily under the lights. 

That's when she noticed the bites on her neck and knew the others had seen. 

She smiled and ran a thumb over one of them, sighing at the contact. "Mmm…Spike."

She licked her lips and whistled, wiping her cheeks and opening the bathroom door to reveal a smiling Willow on the other side. "Hey."

She smiled back at her. "Hey."

Willow's eyes roamed over her throat and down, raising her eyebrows. "You…busy…for lunch?"

Buffy shrugged. "No…not really. I got no money though…you buying?"

"Of course."

"Okay."


	15. Protect Yourself

Lunch was lunch, so it shouldn't seem so bad.

Right?

She sat across from Willow and tapped her foot on the ground, sipping every once and a while on the drink in front of her, dreading the real reason behind this. Willow chewed on a French fry and sighed. 

"Buffy."

"Hmm?"

She swallowed and tried to look more interested than she was.

Which was so obvious to Willow that it caused the knot in both their stomachs to twist even more. "Something's wrong. You're…talk to me, Buffy. We used to be friends."

Buffy grabbed onto her hand and squeezed it. "We still are."

"Are you sure? Cause it sure doesn't seem like it to me and Xander anymore. You treat as like we're second class citizens and…Spike's the President of our measly little…"

Buffy smiled a little. "Willow, you're babbling."

Willow sighed, covering her eyes. "I know…I….talk to me, Buffy. Okay? I'm going crazy here."

Buffy looked at her friend silently, biting her bottom lip and trying not to cry. It would hurt them so bad if they knew. 

Too bad, it seemed like.

She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore and…it seemed like the more she tried not to the more she ended up doing it anyway.

"I…ok. I'll tell you what's wrong. You just…promise not to blame yourself…and…it's over and done with now and…"

Willow looked up and her eyes were watering with each word. "Oh god…you still hate me, don't you? For what I almost did to Spike. I didn't…that wasn't me. I didn't mean to…I just…I love you so much and…"

"Willow…please. Let me talk."

The witch was silent and Buffy remembered where they were. She sighed. "Let's go somewhere more private, ok?"

Willow nodded. "Ok."

"Are you cheating on me?"

Xander dropped a ceremonial vase on the ground and it shattered by Anya's shoes. "What?"

"You heard me. Are you?"

He sighed. "Where…"

Her eyes were getting angry by the minute and he had to keep from smiling. "I really think something's wrong with us, Xander. I don't know…I don't know what to do and you're not helping when all you do is pretend like I'm your friend instead of your fiancé. I love you, Xander."

He put his hands on her shoulders and smiled. "I love you, honey. More than you could possibly imagine. I just…things are on my mind and it's hard to…"

She sniffled. "..talk about with…me. Someone who loves you. Who wants to help you. Someone who…"

He kissed her then, long and hard, nearly toppling the bookcase when he leaned her against it. She sighed, working her hands down his back and up, clinging on as hard as humanly possible.

When he pulled away she still clinged, breathing in just a little and almost crying. "I missed you…a lot."

He kissed her forehead. "Too much, I think. I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"I know…you're…it's about Buffy, isn't it?"

He closed his eyes and nodded. "I…she's always been there for me and I don't…"

"Want her to get hurt…or be hurting. I know. I…she is hurting, Xander. I…"

"What? You…"

She pulled away from him and cracked her neck from side to side, humming. "I…saw her crying. She…I promised I wouldn't say anything but…" 

She turned back to look at him. "…no secrets, right? We can't do that to each other."

Xander nodded. "Yeah. No secrets."

"So, she was crying. I don't know what about. But Spike helps her. He does. She wasn't crying later on when she came back out from the bathroom. He's helping her and she trusts him."

"But not us. She doesn't trust us."

Anya took his hand and squeezed it tightly, bringing it to her lips for a kiss. "No, she doesn't."

Spike woke up to someone mumbling something by his ear. 

"Protect and…"

He smelled the jasmine and poppy right away and groaned. "Go away. I don't need any spells on me right about now, alright?"

Tara stopped, blew out her candle, and whispered, "I'm only trying to help."

Spike opened his eyes and sighed at the look on her face. "I know that, girl…Tara. I know. But…it's not good for you to waste things on me. I've got my own personal body guard, remember?"

He smiled and she smiled back a little. "I remember. But…she can't protect you all the time. I just…"

He sat up and got off the couch, cringing at the small bits of light coming from behind the shades. "It's still daytime."

"Yes."

"You woke me up during the afternoon…why?"

Spike looked at her pointedly. He wasn't upset but there had to be a good solid reason for this.

She sighed. "I…I'm worried, that's all. I'm worried about you…about Buffy…and about…"

"Willow."

Tara stood up and turned on another lamp, illuminating the entire room in a flash. "Yes, about Willow. There's so much going on at once and…"

"Who says you have to stop it, pet? God's the one who creates the chaos. He can stop it if he wants to."

"That's not true, Spike. There's always someone who can stop something bad from happening. It just takes a little…"

He walked over to her and leaned down on the ground, picking the mush she'd created in a bowl up in two of his fingers. 

"Magic? Sorry love, but…there's more to living then that."

Tara sighed and took the bowl off the ground, leaving the candle where it stood. "I only wanted to help you."

Spike watched her go and kicked the candle over, rolling his eyes. "No one asked you to."

"I hate to tell you this, but we're still in a public place."

Buffy looked around with a smile. "Since when is my room a public place?"

"Since…you started inviting vampires inside?"

Buffy frowned and Willow tried to smile wider. "It was a joke, Buffy."

The slayer looked down at the comforter covering her bed and mumbled, "I…I know. I just…this is really hard, Will. Really, really hard."

Willow took both of her hands and held them tightly, smiling in sympathy. 

"Just tell me. It'll be better if you just…"

"I was in Heaven."

There was silence and Buffy didn't look up before continuing.

 "After I died, I died. I went to Heaven, Will. I…my mom was there and she…she told me she was so proud. So…so proud for what I'd given up for my sister…for my friends. She said I deserved to have the rest I'd wanted for such a long time. And I…things move so slowly there…before I could enjoy things…I…I woke up underground and couldn't breathe. I couldn't…I had to dig my way out of the ground and…it was so scary…so…hard. Everything was loud…it hurt to move…I didn't…"

Buffy looked up and saw the wide eyes staring back at her with such hurt. 

"I…Spike…he saved me, Will. I love him…so much more than anything else in this world. Him and Dawn are the only things that keep me here. The ONLY things. I…I'm sorry. But…it's…"

Willow let out a sob and covered her mouth, trying to catch her breath. "You…god…I…oh…god…I'm so…so sorry…so…god…"

Buffy reached out a hand and pulled it back instead, crossing both of her hands in her lap. "I didn't want to tell you. I didn't…"

Willow stumbled off the bed and looked at her with an open mouth, sniffling and not doing any good for the tears that continued. "I…I'm so…sorry…I…"

Buffy watched her leave with only vague interest. 

She loved her friends. 

She did.

But…it wasn't her duty to protect them anymore.

They'd brought this on themselves.


End file.
